so here's me saying i'm not perfect y'all.
i completely surprised myself when i realized that all motivational crap i was using to fill space on here was just that. crap. i don't know if i was trying to convince you guys, or myself, but i was pretending.
i forgot to stay true to myself and be honest with myself. i started this blog for me. then people started to read and follow and i started censoring myself and tried with all my might to make this blog sound anything but whiny and emotional. or god-forbid, boring.
you know the old adage that the more you tell a lie, you start to believe it yourself? we'll thats what happened. i kept feeling shitty but i made it sound like i was hanging tough. but the more i tried to pretend, the shittier i felt about it.
i knew it was bad when i felt like i was letting my readers down before i felt like i was letting myself down.
so i just stopped writing. stopped pretending.
i needed to either live in my misery, or struggle through it.
i got to the point where i was ok with the idea of not blogging anymore. i think for the first time i understood why some people just up and disappear forever from the blogrolls. and i think i needed that. i needed to get to the point where going a month without blogging didn't make me feel guilty. or backsliding a bit didn't make me horrible. it just means i have be twice as strong to go back down the road to my goals instead of settling where i am.
i'm not going to force myself to be chipper or motivational for you guys, because i'm still trying to motivate myself. i'm still trying to believe my personal pep talks.
here's me admitting that i am, and was, weak.
and that makes me feel stronger.
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High five! You are so right. It needs to be about you, how you want to write, how you are feeling- sometimes I need to remember that, too. I can't wait to read your new posts, however you decide to write them. :)
ReplyDeleteNo matter what the mood, it's all part of the experience. Seeing that other people have struggles and sometimes aren't super upbeat and positive reminds me that I'm not alone in what I'm dealing with or how I'm feeling about this process.
ReplyDeleteKeep it real, lady!
Glad you're back and being true to yourself. When you write something upbeat and joyful, we'll know it's real and from the heart.
ReplyDeleteoh honey you are preaching to the choir!! I feel just like this. I read all these blogs of people just eercising their little hearts out and loving it!! Thats just not me. I wish it was! But yeah there are times I just need to bitch and complain and I hate to expose everyone to it. LOL
ReplyDeleteI think youve done a great job so far on your weightloss. Not sure why you should be so down on your self. But dont put on a fesad for us. Need anyone to chat with, Im here! We are all feeling miserable sometimes :)
ReplyDeleteHey, write what you feel. Don't hold back. I feel the same...should I say this or that..what will people think..wonder if someone I know actually SEES this blog and now that I have my pics on it...etc. But I just try to say how I feel and that's all you can do. So please keep blogging and just say what you need to say.:)
ReplyDeleteRight on :)
ReplyDelete*standing ovation*
ReplyDeleteSing it, sister! ;)