lovin from the oven

i love when my weekends include baking. the house is full of rich, warm scents and my favorite part; sharing with the people i love. i get to enjoy one of my favorite hobbies and then joyfully give the goodies away.

after a massively full day yesterday, i hit the sack way way early and slept in till about 11 this morning. while browsing my blog reading list i found this.

i adapted the recipe a little to knock out the butter and add yummy pumpkin flavor

Pumpkin Cream Cheese Swirled Brownies

boxed brownie mix and ingredients needed on package ( i used betty crocker's dark chocolate mix)

cream cheese layer
8 ounces cream cheese, softened

4-6 tablespoons canned pumpkin (libbys)
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
2 teaspoon vanilla
2 tablespoons flour

-Heat oven to 375

-Mix in large bowl the brownie mix and the ingredients called for on the box. Spread 3/4 of the mix in a baking pan sprayed with cooking spray.

-Mix cream cheese, pumpkin, and sugar until well mixed. Add eggs, vanilla and flour.

-Spread mixture on top of brownie mix. Drop remaining brownie batter on top and use a knife to make a swirl design on top.
-Bake for 40 minutes or until baked through.

in the original recipe it calls for butter and orange food coloring. i decided to swap out the butter with pumpkin and the natural color of the pumpkin gave the cream cheese mixture a nice soft orange color. the flavor was subtle and light. for a deeper, spicier fall flavor, you could add pumpkin pie spice.

this made about 18 servings, and come out to around 250 calories per serving. to lighten it up even more, you could use light or fat free cream cheese, splenda, or reduced/ fat free brownie mix.

these are a great fall or halloween treat and satisfy a sweet tooth or chocolate craving.

also, i weighed in this morning and things are on their way down. 330.2 this morning, a loss so far of 4.4 lbs. imma keep on truckin y'all.
till next time : )


taking a new path...

so here's the thing.

i love blogging. it makes me feel great. i want to keep writing about the things that i experience and the things that interest me.

ever since i started my newest jump on the wagon i've been struggling with one issue in particular. and that's this feeling like i owe it to you guys to lose weight. like you dont deserve to read a weight loss blog where the author doesnt lose weight. it's been making me avoid this place like the plague when i gain, or binge or whatever. sometimes i get this crazy feeling like you're going to find out i'm a total hypocrite, a sham, a failure.

i skip posting weigh ins because i dont want to  feel like a failure. i dont want to let you down.

but i think i have been. not by gaining and losing and yo-yoing, but by not letting myself write about me. i've been trying so hard to make it all about losing weight that i forgot about the major component of that equation. me, as a person. forgot to vent and share about the ups and downs of my days and all the wonderful, painful, stressful, rainbow-of-emotional things i see and do and feel. i want to tell you about my cooking, my baking, and not worry about people thinking i could do without it, or that i could probably lose more weight if i avoided it. i want to tell you about how great school is going, how honored and stressed i was about recieving a scholarship, how amazing my fiance is and how truly in love with him i am. i want to tell you about the daily, sometimes hourly, struggles i have with my body, my weight, and my eating.

i think by unconsciously focusing so hard on not letting someone else down, i doubly let myself down by thinking my shit isnt worth writing about, and by self sabotaging my goals. that self sabotage is a handy tool, if you can recognize it for what it is and your unconscious motives behind it. i need to show myself again that life isnt all about losing weight. its about all the crazy little bits and pieces that make life so topsy-turvy awesome.

i will be continuing my weight loss efforts, and i might even share some numbers, but i think for now i'm going to focus on other things within this space.

and i do honestly know that all of this is in my own head. i'm pretty sure you guys arent all sitting out there thinking how disappointed you are in me, thinking i've given up. i know this. but if i can ask one small favor from you guys it would be this, right now, from all of you, but especially those who comment, i don't want advice. right now i need support, and understanding. thank you.



crazy yet awesome weekend, topped off by a great class tonight.

weigh in scheduled for tomorrow morning....

(thank god i behaved and ate well at the apple harvest...though i SO wanted to try the pumpkin funnel cake)


its mini candy month bitchesssssss....

oh yes. i have fun size fever y'all.

this is my plan of action: purchase ONE single bag of whatever halloween candy of my choice. i give myself carte blanche to eat it whenever i want. i can choose to eat it all at once, or i can choose to make it last. regardless of what i choose, on november 1st, the leftover candy is getting given or thrown away. that gives me roughly one small piece of candy per day if i stretch it out.

so i'm giving myself this chance. i'm not giving myself any restrictions. i'm thinking of it like a bank account, very much the way i view my calorie "budget" for the day. i have so much of x. i have y amount of days to make it last. i can choose to "spend" it all at once, and feel tempted for the rest of the time. or i can budget, spread it out so that i can satisfy my halloween candy cravings all month long.

sounds like a win to me.

dudes though, i think i found my new favorite school night dinner. tonight i came home starrrrrrving. i was craving some salmon, but so did not want to fire up the oven and wait around for one little piece of fish. so i decided to take a bowl, put the frozen salmon filet in the bottom and poured in about a half cup of water and 2 tablespoons of low-sodium teriyaki sauce. topped it with parsley and a little garlic powder and nuked it for 5 minutes. it came out tender and just a little crispy on the top and sides, just the way i like it. it sucked up all the marinade and made it so so so tasty. a quick nuked baked potato and green beans and i had dinner ready to go in less than ten minutes.

in other awesome news, i've been crazy busy and minorly stressed, but for once there's nothing bad about it. everything is kicking ass. i was awarded a scholarship, which will definitely help pay for school/books next semester and i am currently carrying all A's in all my classes, all of which i love. i am also on the cusp of deciding if i want to finish my associates degree or go hardcore and get my BA. i think part of me has already decided, but i want to carefully weigh all my options.

slowly working my way back to having healthy eating and activity be second nature. it's taking a while, but each day that i complete my goals is one more day towards a future of doing it every day. a healthy future where i am not held back by my weight and bad habits.

and in the spirit of doing healthy things, i am setting my quit smoking date (the latest, gonna try damn hard to make it the last time) for my birthday. november 5th 2010 i will be 23. i am giving myself the gift of health. giving myself the gift of breaking my dependence on ciggarettes for support. i want to work up to being able to live life without needing the crutch of smoking. i deserve it.


week 1 weigh in...




thats a loss of 1.2 lbs.

i'm ok with it. not ecstatic, but i've got one week down and i lost. thats a win in my book.

as for my goals, lets check in and see how i did:
-track every day- i didnt really get my act completely together until about wednesday, but i've been tracking consistently every day since.
-30 mins of activity per day- so didnt happen. this one will probably be the hardest for me to get in every week.
-take my vitamins every day- i only remembered to take my vitamin twice this week, but i'm working myself into a routine. someone suggested to me that i take my vitamin at night time before i go to bed. i've been doing it the last two days and i wake up feeling pretty awesome. apparently the body absorbs it better at night. i've been popping a vitamin each night right before i brush my teeth, so hopefully i can keep up this habit going.
-motivational quote- i think i'm going to can this one because i weigh first thing in the morning and i completely forgot about doing this. maybe i'll pick one or two fun quotes to put on there every month or so.

alright, decent first week back. let's go week two!

P.S. I'm playing around with new backgrounds and stuff, and i wanted to know if the one i currently have up makes it difficult to read, or do you guys dig it?