want a challenge? have your best friend get stuck in your snowy ass driveway and then push that shit till you just can't push no more...
in your pijamas...
my arms and chest and back are just screaming. but it was a hell of a fucking workout. and, bonus: i discovered that the $40 i spent on winter boots instead of spending it on christmas gifts was actually worth it.
in other news...i'm almost at the end of my scale-less challenge. i'm excited and scared about stepping on the scale. and then i'm wondering whether i want to go back to weighing weekly or do it monthly. in all honesty...i busted ass for like half the month and did some serious work. the second half? not so much. i still made progress, true...but i know i could have done so much better. i may compromise and do bi-weekly weigh ins.
i also tried on a few dresses i bought last summer and maaaan. there is a serious difference. they are SO big up in the bust lol. and there's serious improvement in the way they drape on my figure now. now i'm pumped to go shopping for some new sexy dresses. :D
christmas dinner is game-planned like hell, and i'm really excited to see how it'll go. starting wednesday...4 days of baking and cooking and merry making shall commence.
hope everyone has a kick ass holiday! stay strong y'all. no need to fall ass over ankles off the wagon!
last night as i was getting ready for bed, i got a little idea. my jeans are getting looser and looser every week so i thought, why not try on the next size down?
and by fucking god...they fit!
albeit they are quite snug, but they zip and button! that counts as victory to me, no?
the last time i fit into these jeans was the summer of 2006...so needless to say, i'm pretty frigging excited.
on the the next!
goals folks...let's achieve em.
saturday i went out to the bar for my girl abbey's 21st (belated) birthday party. we had a nice little gathering. did some catching up and gossiping with the chickies, some drinking and bullshitting with the boys and generally had a pretty good time.
sunday...oh my god. that hint i made about possible love in the air? consider it official. i spent an entire day with this guy...just being with each other. he made me breakfast...pancakes. so cute. lol. my head is in the fucking clouds right now. i didn't ever think spending time with anyone could be so comforting and familiar. we've only known each other for a little while, only gone on 3 dates so far, but sometimes, you just have a feeling...
as far as my eating...i've been doing pretty well, despite a new man who cooks like a top chef and a slight increase in alcohol consumption. lol wine just goes so well with fine dining.
calories eaten- 1906
(which is THE shit by the way. in what other breakfast medium can you start with little eggs and end up with teeny little dinos?! i challenge you to find it.) but i decided to give the jolly quaker another chance and by god he did not disappoint. i picked up the apples and cinnimon flavor, which includes bitty little pieces of dried apples, the only thing i wish there were more of. other than that its a super breakfast. one little packet comes in at under 150 calories and i stay full and satisfied till just before lunchtime. super delish yo. in fact...i think i'm a little obsessed. is it possible to be an oatmeal junkie? just gimme my dark roast and a bowl of that and i'm in heaven.
i actually did it. i made it a whole week. i did a personal best with my eating. like...i literally shocked myself with how well i did.
i even kicked ass in the gym, despite a sudden neck injury. i had to put my shredding dreams on hold for the moment, but i'm not letting it hold me back from doing the best that i absolutely can.
calorie goal- 1900
calories eaten- 1911
walking/jogging on tread-35 mins
calorie goal- 2000
calories eaten- 2203 (for some reason i was really fucking hungry all day. i decided to up my calorie goals a little bit, and use them to try and get more protein into my system so i stay satisfied longer)
calorie goal- 2000
calories eaten- 1978
BL weight loss yoga- 30 minutes
walking on treadmill- 20 minutes
calories burned- 400
one week down, three to go!
let's rock on bitches....
secondly...dudes, i just had the BEST fucking dinner ever. (well, at least this week) it was totally healthy, and insanely delicious.
fresh mini-pizzas with turkey pepperoni
1 whole wheat sandwhich thin, split
1/4 cup tomato sauce
1 cup part skim mozzarella
6-8 slices of turkey pepperoni
1/2 cup chopped red and green peppers
heat oven to 375. place sandwich thin halves on a cookie sheet. spoon tomato sauce over the thins evenly, top each with 3/4 c. of the cheese. arrange pepperoni and top with peppers and the remaining cheese. bake for 5 minutes, set under broiler for 3 minutes or until cheese browns on top. cut each pizza in half and serve.
total calories per serving-531
wanna know how good it was?
also, you will notice the empty yogurt container. this evening, i discovered for myself greek yogurt. all i have to say is, why the hell didn't anyone make me try this before?! my grocery store just started carrying it, and i hope they continue, cause i'm pretty sure the little four pack i bought aint gonna last long.
walking-1 hr 20 mins
i'm gonna bust out a serious walk tomorrow while the little booger's napping. i've got a new movie from netflix i haven't watched yet, and how better a way to spend an hour or two?
it's called Pop the Pig. you'd think in a country that has such a huge problem with obesity among children and adults they would pass up the idea for a children's game that involves you stuffing a pig full of hamburgers until it pops. i'm a bit disgusted by it really. seems ridiculously counterproductive.
till tomorrow y'all
i've been eating really well yesterday and today, staying right inside my calorie goals. i've cut a lot of high carby foods, or reduced the amount of the ones i can't live without. i also have been sticking to my plan of drinking only water and coffee. no juices or tea or soda for a while.
i'm going to be taking a page out of rachel @ body by pizza's book and regularly post stats. i feel like it will help me hold myself accountable. i'll be posting my calorie goals, intake, and activity. i'm starting the shred tonight, so hopefully i'll be busting out some serious calorie burns along with my regular walks and gym time.
calorie goal- 1800
calories eaten- 1753
35 minute walk
calories eaten- 1803
shred level 1 (20 minutes)
and now for the moment that has me really tickled....my newest progress pic!
i cannot believe that the same jeans that, just a few months ago were so tight i couldn't sit down in without being afraid they'd split, are now getting very loose. every week they fit better and better and soon they just won't fit at all. lol look how baggy they are in the ass! god, every time i take a new picture i just am blown away that there is an actual difference. sunday i went over to my moms for dinner and i wore a tighter shirt than i have the past couple times i've seen her. when i took my coat off she just...looked. then smiled. it felt so good. this hard work i'm doing. it really does show.
alright, it's definitely a start. forward momentum! onward! :)
tomorrow is it. day one of my scale-less month. this means i'll be weighing in 2 days earlier than normal.
i am actually scared.
i've been eating really well. staying well within (and frequently below) my calorie goals.
but something in my head has been making me obsess over the scale. i've been weighing myself sometimes 5 times a day for the past 3 days or so. i haven't EVER done this. i've been number obsessed in the past, but something about going 30 days without looking at the scale is telling me that i can't handle it. some scared part of my subconscious thinks i'm going to go off the deep end without having that scale every thursday to keep me in check.
what the fucking fuck?
knowing this about myself, knowing i've been thinking and feeling this for days without truly understanding what it was about has made me all the more determined to face this fear and just fucking do it.
my weight has been up (by more than i would have though possible) every time i "peek". i don't know if it's a true gain, but i know now that seeing that higher number only fueled the obsessive compulsions to weigh myself and also the feelings of fear.
so whether i'm scared or not, tomorrow morning, i'm getting on that damn scale. i'm getting my shred dvd in the mail tomorrow afternoon, and i'm just gonna do it. no. matter. what.
here's to the next 30 days people.
current weight: 332.4
i've lost one of these bad boys so far!fuck yea! i'm exactly halfway to my 10% goal folks. mmhm.
but then for breakfast...doughnuts.
not just one...
i'm too ashamed to say how many. just know...there was carnage. sugary donut death.
later, we had to stop by the grocery store for some dinner stuff on the way to the train station, and we managed to create a decent feast for only $20. everything else we had or made do with something similar. bargain!
our little roaster chicken in lieu of a big ole turkey
my famous fresh corn and red pepper cornbread stuffing!
feast?! lol can you tell how much i love me some side dishes?
fresh cranberry, apple and orange relish
our mini punkin pies! 60 cents each and cuter'n hell!
i'm not sure if ya'll caught my last post, for some reason it posted with a completely different time stamp and didn't show up on my own reader, so i'll recap.
sucky weigh-in. moving on.
i'm setting myself some new challenges and i wanted to know if youse guys wanted to join me in in busting ass to start '10 a little lighter and with goals achieved.
i want to go scale-less for the month of december. i want to see if it will be easier to focus on feeling good and getting things done without obsessing about 3 little digital numbers.
my challenge will start on dec. 1st in the a.m., when i will post pictures of my weight on the scale. i'll hide my scale away where i'm not tempted to pull it out and take a quick "peek". on jan 1st in the a.m. i will weigh-in and take an "after" photo.
wanna play along at home? if i can get a few chicks (and dudes, too...im an EqualOpportunityChallengesetter) i'd like to propose a giveaway to award to the person who loses the most weight by the challenge end date. i haven't yet decided what it'll be, but i'll have a better idea of what to give by who i can get to sign up! i'll call it the official December Scale Boycott challenge. eh? lol i'm open to other suggestions too.
i'd also like to set a fitness challenge for myself (and for anyone else who wants to challenge themselves) i want to log 45 miles either walking or biking by january 10th. my motivation is to be able to hike my way up and down the walkways at my college campus (which is on a friggin mountain) and i'd like to replace about 20 lbs of ass with a fat backpack of books.
wanna join me? if yes, leave me a comment saying so or email me directly. i'll set an official roster on dec. 1st.
thats me, thinking about the kickassitude i built up and maintained this week. even when i did weight watchers and was hardcore dieting i never did this well without feeling like it was a homework assignment i was pretty sure i wasn't gonna hand in.
i tracked. everything. everyday.
i got in some serious activity at least 3 days this week. not that silly
"i walked up the stairs a lot today" bullshit.
my eating was fucking on point 7 out of 7 days.
and the best part?
i was really, and i mean *really* happy this week. i haven't felt this honestly good since...god, for a long fucking time.
i've got my shit together. for reals together.
i'm going up to Penn State tomorrow to sign up for my spring semester. and for the first time since even before i graduated from high school have i actually felt ready and seriously pumped about school. not pumped about paying for it, but what the fuck can ya do.
lol even after writing all this, i still have this "who am i?" feeling. did someone slip uppers into my water bottle?
psh...i don't even care. i'm gonna riiiiide it. :)
it feels so good to have my focus back.
the past five days have been great. i've kept on track, stayed within my calorie goals while still letting myself have a treat or two. i've also tracked my intake every day since thursday (which sadly is a personal best for the past 6 months or so lol) i've realized that if i'm going to stick with it, i have to make it into a regular habit. and to do that, i have to be willing to take the time to do it every day. also to be honest with myself and not try to pretend i didn't eat something if i did.
lol my fitday account is probably shitting itself wondering who the heck is logging stuff like they're supposed to. since i started using that site, i've only used it to log my weight and calculate my basic calorie guidelines and restrictions. now i'm really putting it to use, and i have to say i'm pretty proud of myself. to look at the log and see 5 whole days in a row rather than 1 or 2 every few weeks. sad, that is.
i've also employed a few tricks to keep myself focused...
-keeping the pantry door closed so i'm not looking in at all the snacks every time i go into the kitchen
-keeping the kitchen light off in the evening so i'm not tempted to go wandering in there for food when i'm bored
-drinking only one glass of non-water beverages a day
-eating my highest calorie meal for breakfast or lunch so that i can burn it off rather than carbo-loading a few hours before bed when i'm at my least active
-leaving my computer downstairs instead of taking it to my bedroom to avoid watching movies on netflix instead of getting well needed sleep
-brushing my teeth after each meal to reduce cravings
hmm. wow...i didn't realize how much i was actually doing to stay focused on my goal. that makes me feel kind of...excited. like i'm putting in a real effort without feeling like its a big hassle or forcing myself to do it.
now i just have to put in more work on the fitness front. i haven't been doing terribly with it, but enough to make me realize i'm still slacking. i have plenty of opportunities to get in exercise during the day, so i have to take advantage of them, cause there's no point in just letting them pass by and then bitching that i'm not seeing the numbers i want on weigh-in day.
i'm pumped to see what kind of results i'll see on the scale on thursday...
losing focus is a habit for me. one i've fallen back into time and time again. it happens with my weight loss, it happens with school, friends, projects, you name it. and what's more, no matter how often, i let it go on much longer than it ever should. i'm holding myself back, and for what? i have this fear, this...nightmare really, that i'm not just fooling everyone else, but myself. that i'm already a failure, so why not just let myself fail. it's this leftover defense mechanism from a childhood that was far from dreamy. don't put yourself out there, don't trust, don't give your heart away, don't try.
i've turned down opportunities, amazing opportunities...out of fear.
i have the tools and the strength within myself to take on my world, to follow my ambitions, no matter how far reaching.
all i needed was a good system crash. to help me see the junk i've been letting in my life, in my mind and heart. things that were letting me feel like it was okay to be satisfied with sub par. i'm worth more than that. i deserve to be the woman hiding inside the scared little girl.
so this is my rededication. to myself and to everything i want to achieve, be it weight loss or finally finding a major i love and a career path i can be proud of. a me i can be proud of.
what did i do this week?!
i don't know what came over me at times, but i know it wasn't anything that had weight loss in mind.
margaritas and chips/tuscan spinach dip...
all i can say is thank god i didn't go on a fast food kick. but frankly...compared to binges i've gone on in years past, i'm just glad this occured over a week's worth of time instead of one weekend, or hell, one day. i know i didn't do all bad this week. i had a few healthy meals, pretty decent activity at least 4 days out of 7, and plenty of water, no sodas or massive amounts of snacking. just some out of touch moments of bad choices mixed in with some emotional eating.
there are of course, a few choice excuses i could employ. TOM, birthday celebrating, etc. but i'm not gonna. the calorific malcontents are out of the house and i'm ready to do work next week. i have a goal to reach and i have to prove to myself that i'm willing to put in the effort to make it.
i'm still flip-flopping on making a decision on whether or not i will be weighing in tomorrow, as i usually don't weigh in on TOM weeks. i may do it anyway...sort of as a visual way of acknowledging and taking responsibility for my choices this week.
wish me luck, bloggers...i need to get back on my feet and my mind on my goal.
here's some of my shopping spree loot
* a little story about those PERFECT lovely new jeans. so the pair i tried on fit nearly perfectly (i'm pretty sure the margaritas and appetizers had SOMEthing to do with that), but they had a stain on the leg and the button was loose in its setting. now, i never buy "projects". i expect the clothes i buy to be ready to wear. i went out of the dressing room after trying on all my selections (of which there were many, but none really called out to me), i grabbed another pair, in the same size (trust me, i ALWAYS check) and headed to the register. happy customer, no?
later, at home i'm taking off tags, lovingly putting away my new purchases, and i decide to try on the jeans again. imagine my surprise when i had to fight to get them all the way up, let alone the battle it took to get them buttoned. there was something WAY wrong. so on a hunch i measured the waistband. it's an entire 4 inches smaller than the same size jeans i wear now that are too BIG! now, i know the ones i tried on fit amazingly. this means they sewed the wrong size tag into a size 24 jeans. AND LEFT IT THAT WAY!!!!! i am beyond pissed. i bought these with the sole purpose of being able to wear cute jeans NOW. now 2 sizes from now. grrrrrrr.
has this ever happened to you guys?
or very very near perfect.
i got 8 hours of sleep, woke up ready to have a great day. fullll of energy. the kid and i had serious fun, plenty of activity. i got a TON of housework done; laundry, dishes, etc. made some money, got some money in the mail....yup one hell of a productive day.
i did have a perfect day eating-wise.
nutrigrain bar- 7:30 a.m.
1 egg on 2 slices of toast w/ cheese- 8:30 a.m.
strawberry yogurt- 12 p.m.
romaine salad w/ 4 oz. grilled chicken,
fat free croutons, peppercorn dressing. apple- 3 p.m.
2 small salmon cakes, green beans, 1/2 c. oven potatoes w/ 1 tbsp garlic mayo- 6:30 p.m.
lots of water, little snacking, healthy portions, all food groups covered...sounds damn near perfect to me.
i'm also planning on reading for a little bit and in bed by 11.
here's to more "perfect" days....
p.s. hot sugary coffee + keyboard = baaaad match (in my defense...it was only an eensy bit, and when i gently pried up the few keys to clean it, who knew it would kill my keyboard forever.) i'm contemplating a new one...instead of buying a replacement keyboard for a tres old laptop that would end up needing replaced in a year anyway.
current weight: 337.2
weekly loss: -.8
total loss: -12.8
ugh. the worst part is that this comes as NO surprise. i totally dropped the ball this week. too much or not enough of one thing or another. still, its always nice to see even a slightly smaller number.
oh, and just a tip...if you weigh-in in the mornings, don't get all anxious and weigh yourself in the middle of the night "just to peek". i'm certain my weigh in would have been at least a pound better had i not lost my patience and weighed myself at 3 a.m., and when it said i was up 2.8 (!!!!) i then proceded to have a food orgy of shame. thank god i just stuck to pretzels and chips and not the leftover chicken and mashed potatoes calling my name in the fridge. i was also contemplating some grilled cheese and other crappola. thank the baby jebus.
also...i'm getting a little sick of all the product placement on biggest loser. it's just ridiculous. i think i may opt to watch online and bypass all the commercials. did you know at least 30 minutes of the biggest loser programming is commercials? NUTS!
what i'm eating this week:
monday- tomato soup and grilled cheese
tuesday- baked jerk chicken, smashed potatoes, steamed carrots and green beans
wednesday- cajun shrimp and veggie packets, rice
thursday- caesar salad with blackened salmon
friday- leftovers a' la carte
saturday- salsa chicken, black beans and rice w/ fresh corn and green peppers
sunday- parmesan baked tilapia, baked potato, steamed broccoli
also! i managed to book work for EVERY day this week. mama be gettin some bill moneyyyy
first things first: my spoooooky fridge!
lol think it'll keep me focused? i kept giggling like a dork at the "enter if you dare" context.
on another note:
i've also been thinking a lot about body image and what motivates each of us as we take this journey. Jen had a great post yesterday about what motivates her, and it planted a thought seed in my brain. what is it that motivates people? is it looking hot like we did way back when? is it a smaller jeans size? health? family?
everyone has different and intensely personal reasons and motivations for wanting to lose weight. for some they want the body they used to have back, that place in time where they felt they looked best. and let me say up front...there is not a thing wrong with this kind of motivation...if it works for you, then it works, and keep going on with your bad self. but for me, i hated my body for much of my adolesence and never really experienced the pleasure some feel at being slim. but i found my own pleasure as i got older and learned to appreciate the body i had. i found my confidence, learned that no matter what size i am: i am beautiful. maybe the world doesn't think so, but i do. i see my curves and the shape of my figure and don't automatically think: disgusting! i see a story, a person made up of all the aspects of my life. i am motivated to lose weight because i have a life to lead, one that i know will benefit from being healthier. hell yes i want smaller jeans, but that desire is in no way near the top of my list of reasoning. sure, physically i might enjoy seeing a slimmer me, but my life is not defined, nor my beauty or my opinion of myself, by the personal preferences and attractions of other people.
current weight: 338
weekly loss: -0.6
total loss: 12 lbs
so yeahhhh...this week's weigh in was telling. though when i look back over my week, i know where i went wrong. and surprisingly it wasn't the introduction of candy and sweets into my house. i think it had more to do with the fact that i didn't track AT ALL, and i ate out a few times. i ate more often at night and was pretty inactive. i'm just glad i didn't gain.
it's time to re-commit. for reals. i really kicked ass yesterday getting the house cleaned and cleared away (over the 3 weeks or so that i was sick, i really really let the housework slide). it feels good to have a clean house again, clear of all the clutter. now i just have to work hard on the activity and tweak my eating a bit, make healthier smarter choices.
in other news...today and tomorrow i'm babysitting for my godson. he is such a freakin cutie. hopefully i can burn some serious calories chasing his goofy ass around the house lol
cause she knows you hate talking on the phone and can never remember to call people.
but quietly reminds you about how much it annoys her to help you be a better friend.
i'm proud of myself for not spending 20 bucks on candy, but i'm wondering if i screwed myself over by giving in to my cravings.
we'll see, come weigh in on thursday...
starting weight- 350
current weight- 338.6
weekly loss- 4 lbs!!!!!
total loss- 11.4
i don't really know what kind of number i was expecting since last week threw me for a little loop. mostly this week i was working my ass off trying to negate that possible gain. i guess it fucking worked, man.
when i looked at the number on the scale, i gasped and literally almost fell off. lol. now, i always weigh 3 times in a row, to make sure there's no other possible weights, but i tell you what, i did NOT want to get back on. it was like my unicorn. look again and it's gone. but i did...2 more times...and YES! it's official...i'm down 4 lbs for a total of 11.4. i'm 4 lbs away from my first goal and 10.6 lbs away from my birthday goal
now i just have to keep myself going...i always start to slack off after the first 10 lbs so i gotta stick with it and do work.
for this next week i'm going to try and meet a few small goals-
-work out at least 3 times
-journal at least 5 days
-walk 6 miles (/wk total)
-kick major ass.
yummmm...guess where i'm gonna be doing my shopping spreeing?
i have not worn jeans that didn't have stretch in them for over a year.
i have this basket in my closet full of expensive jeans in sizes 22 to 28 from throughout the years. i refuse to throw them away. they are my motivation.
when i had to buy my first and only pair of size 30 jeans, i was so disgusted with myself. i hated the fact that i had to buy them online because i couldn't fit into the store sizes. i let myself binge constantly because i didn't know any other way to make myself feel better. now, i've fluctuated between a 30 and a 28 for the past year or so, but only if the 28 had some stretch in it.
right before summer started, my last pair of jeans that werent capris tore badly and weren't fixable. i made a vow then that i would not buy a new pair of jeans, but rather work hard and lose weight to fit into my old jeans.
and i've done it.
the first step at any rate.
it was bitchin cold today and i was sick and tired of sweatpants and pjs so i decided to give it a go and try and put on the jeans that have been sitting in my dresser drawer for 3 months. i was massively prepped for disappointment. so imagine my surprise when they slipped on and buttoned easily!!!
i'm so excited!!!! i can't wait to work on getting into the next pair (which is the same size, but with a smaller fit)
i also did some more closet/dresser/shoe purging and switched my summer and fall wardrobes around in the closet. i pulled a bunch of sweaters and knit stuff that i haven't worn in years and also finally have my polo collection down to 1. i just don't dig the style much anymore. i thinned down my camis as well. no one needs 20 camis. surrriusly
one of my clothes issues is that i LOVE buying underwear. all styles. all the time. over the past few months i've been slowly getting rid of the old ones, the worn out ones and the ones i don't wear at all. lol as it is they still fill 2 drawers in my lingerie dresser.
at the end of my purge session i had a 3 foot high mountain of old khakis, sweaters and hoodies, a rainbow of tank tops and ratty old tees. also a neat little hill of prom shoes and mis-matched flip flops.
phew! one more thing i can cross off my to-do list.
what a fucking awesome way to kick off the week.
so i noticed i've been a tad lax these past few weeks due to the traveling cold i've been playing host to. i'm pleased to report i'm doing way better, my body feels good...no more aches, no more fatigue, no more ab-wracking cough. all that is bueno. right now i'm trying like shit to get rid of some nasty sinus pressure in my head and ears, but thats pretty much a "stock-up-on-keenex-and-let-it-run-its-course" kinda thing...so here's hopin i'll be all fine and good by the end of the week. and thanks to everyone for the well-wishes...i'm sure they helped!
oh! guess what?! i got my Giveaway Grand-Prize goodie box yesterday and it is definitely awesome! thanks trish!!
-a 5 pc. set each of measuring cups and spoons, and in festive fall colors no less!
-a cute little egg (that happens to have a beak and feet...) glass measuring cup
-a little soup thermos
-a set of locking storage containers
-the badass-est snack thingie...you can put fresh fruits or veggies in the bottom, and a little thing of dip on top! so neat.
-a package of 100 cal. packs of craisins and a package of 100 cal. pack mixed nuts (trail mix anyone?)
-2 packs of flipping awesome gum...tastes like now and laters.
-a nifty pedometer
holy frijole thats a lot of stuff! i also got a cute little congrats card and a ribbon, and a sticker!
in other news, i weighed-in on thursday, but was a bit disappointed. it said i was up 2 lbs...but i don't know if its cause of all the meds and not getting enough calories, or cause i'm on my period but i'm going to wait until this thursday to take down an official number. i know, totally cheating, but i don't have anyone to answer to, so i say i can...lol hopefully i'll see a loss this week. in any case i think my goal of 22 lbs by my birthday might be a tad steep. i'll be able to better evaluate it after this week's weigh-in, but if it's less than a 2 lb loss it's probably not doable (at least in a healthy fashion).
my activity level has been pretty low for the past few weeks, and reasonably so, but now i'm feeling up to taking walks outside regularly and maybe hitting the gym for some light circuits. the only thing is, i still have no appetite so i frequently forget to eat anything and then i'm starving by early evening. i've been trying to remind myself to at least get in some healthy snacks every few hours, but i just can't taste anything, so i don't get hungry for anything. right now i'm drinking most of my calories with orange juice and hot cocoa, etc. but it's not really cutting it.
i've been able to get up enough energy to get some of the housework done that's been piling up...dishes this afternoon, laundry a little later, maybe work on a menu plan and some other random to-do stuffs.
hope you guys have a spankin good weekend too!
i hate going to the doctors. i haven't been in like...5 years. i'm always terrified they're going to tell me i have some terminal illness or just something that will ruin my life forever. (that and the dreaded scale/weight lecture)
but this cough is insane. i've had it for 2 weeks and no matter how much i fight it, its only getting worse. on top of it i'm sleeping for an insane amount of time every day/night, my appetite is barely there and i've got a persistant headache.
i usually take the tack of "suck it up and don't complain" when it comes to sickness and pain, but now i don't even have to say anything and people around me know something is wrong.
in other news, i had a pretty great weekend. my mama and i hit up the National Apple Harvest Festival on sunday and had a fab time. got in some really great exercise walking around the grouds and checking out the stands. some good music and original craftsmen showing their stuff and mmm the smells from that place. constantly cookin up something. but i went prepared. i took some mixed nuts and some pretzels in case i got munchy and decided to hold out for ONE thing that really caught my eye, food wise. as the name implies, there are tons of apple based foods and then your basic fair fare. i went for an apple sausage sandwich with mustard. it was freakin amazing.
first step was deciding if i could handle going to a fast food place and not going nuts. yup...i could.
step two was calming my anxiety about going into a restaurant alone. not a lot of people know this about me, but i have severe anxiety sometimes about eating in public. especially alone. for years anytime i ate fast food i used the drive thru and stuffed my face in shame and in private. so i sit for a while in the car. i breathe. i assign a number value to my anxiety level. i wait until that number goes down by at least two and then i go in.
next step is deciding what to order. when i used to eat wendy's a lot i always ordered a double cheeseburger, large fry and large root beer. i knew calorie and fat wise that was a really terrible decision and probably more food and drink than i could comfortably eat. so i downgraded. i got a regular cheeseburger, medium fry and root beer, and a frosty jr. (about 3/4 c.) i took my tray and found a table. i chose a table in the center of the restaurant, in view of other people. before i started eating i assesed my anxiety level and waited for it to go down a bit. i unwrapped my food, arranged it and dug in.
i enjoyed it immensely, did not feel ashamed for eating fast food, and didn't stuff myself full and make myself sick.
ohhh yea. another win for moi.
current weight: 342.6
weekly loss: -1
another one bites the dust...
yup...down another pound. i definitely wasn't expecting a loss this week, so that kicks it. i think it's hilarious though that i keep losing EXACTLY one pound, no more, no less.
gotta push myself realllll good this week to get to my goal.
I would like you to leave me alone from now on. Lying abed all day is not in any way attractive, and it makes my hair look like Gene Wilder is hibernating on my head. I understand you have a quota to make, but cough medicine is expensive, and if you don't read the directions, is pretty much useless. My hacking and coughing sounds awful and alarms my neighbors when I shamble to the mailbox. I am running out of pajamas and I am watching far too many old Angel and CSI episodes on Netflix. I just wanted to let you know I'm done being your bitch, and that I fully intend on ignoring you tomorrow.
that's right folks, i'm done with all this lame-assness. i'm done using being sick as an excuse to be lazy and not eating right and not getting anything done. i'm going to weigh-in tomorrow and hope the scale gods take pity upon me and at least not show a gain.
i got a call to do a "pre-interview" whatever the fuck that's supposed to be a front for, but hey, it's a possible possibility. i can whore myself out to the retail powers that be and hope at least someone needs someone to do bitch work for the holiday season. in case no one knew, my parents have forbidden me to have a job next semester, and i think it's for the best but it still terrifies me. this recent stint of unemployment has been a trial for me. i've learned to accept help from others and not be so embarrased that i don't have a job. but hey, lots and lots of people are unemployed and not doing half as well as i am so, i'll take my current situation as a blessing and just learn to live with what i have.
the story is about Veronica, an iraqi war veteran who just got back and is having, shall we say, issues in returning to her everyday.
the show is awesome, you should watch it...i'm gonna.
you can find the first full episode on NBC.com, tvguide.com, and also hulu.com, my newest form of crack in HD
and can i just say michelle tratchtenberg is the cutest thing ever. here's a fun fact about erin g for ya'll. i'm a buffy the vampire slayer/joss whedon fanatic. yea, i said fanatic. i'm not ashamed of it. i own all 7 seasons on dvd and watch frequently. it kicks ass. but what was i talking about...oh yea, michelle tratchtenberg...she played on buffy and since the show has been off air, i've been missing seeing new stuff from her besides disney movies. and i refuse to watch gossip girl so i'm glad she's gonna be in on this new show.
jesus...nice thought soup there. maybe its the cough meds?
anyway...watch Mercy and help keep good tv on air.
current weight: 343.6
total loss: -6.4
down another pound this week. to be honest, i'm struggling not to be disapointed. it's not the number i wanted to see, but i know that i've been kicking ass in the gym and have been moving more this week than i have in a long time. now that i've got a gym/exercise routine started, i can focus on my eating again. i had a little slippage this week, not too much, but enough that i'm conscious of the choices i could have made instead. i'm pushing myself hard to achieve this first goal of 22 lbs. once achieved, my next goal will be much easier to attain.
week five goals-
-drink at least 4 (32 oz) bottles of water per day.
-track food and activity on fitday. (i decided to see how much of a difference it will make as opposed to just journaling foods but not nutrition)
-lose 3 lbs.
-get in at least 1 hour of gym/activity time per day.
-walk at least 5 days
alrighty...there's 5 reasonable and attainable goals for the next 7 days. i'm ready to get started.
mmm today for lunch i did a little bit of a change-up with my usual, and it definately paid off. i usually make a tostada for lunch (black beans, cheese, veggies) with a little sour cream, but today i had some chicken that needed to be cooked, so i grilled them up with some olive oil and blackening spices and then diced. i used less cheese and more beans, chicken and veggies and it ended up being positively packed with protien (over 50 grams!) and fiber. i was nicely full afterward and bursting with energy.
spaghetti and meatballs tonight at my mamas. i'm praying that i can contain myself. i've pre-tracked it, just so i have an idea of what i'll be eating and i think i'll be satisfied. here's hopin.
"You may have seduced me, chicken, but I DEFEATED your ass!!"
how did she do it? we asked her.
"well at first i was intimidated, but then i decided to use the fried chicken's weakness to my advantage. you see, underneath that nasty, deep fried layer, there lies some pretty bad-ass protein for the taking. i chose to create energy from my slip-up and totally burned up that gym!"
oh. yes. dammit.
about 3 months ago, my father moved back in with me. i had been living on my own in our family home for a year and a half. at that point i wasn't really trying to make many changes to the way i lived, ate, and moved but i was conscious of it. now, here's the rub. my father makes terrible food choices. pizza and beer several times a week. hot wings. more beer. generally anything fried, fatty or alcoholic he digs. then he came to me and said "Erin, i think we should get serious about getting healthy. start walking and cooking more and eating better." i thought "Awesome, this is just the extra motivation i needed!" and set down to making goals and menu planning and working out. but after a week or so...i was doing it on my own. there started to be a re-entrance of unhealthy food groups into our house. i got mad. i know that if i keep certain things out of the house, i don't even think about them.
so tonight, when my dad came home from the doctor's office, what did he bring home for his dinner? fried chicken and not one but 2 boxes of ice cream cones and ice cream sandwiches. and why? to cool him down. WHAT?! THE?! FUCK?! if you want to cool down you drink ice water or take a cool shower, or at the very least have a popsicle. he's making excuses to eat terribly. he uses his bed as a dining room. he lays in bed and eats all day and night long. i am seriously worried about him, but at the same time, i can't help but be enraged that he's bringing these things into the house. i've asked him more than once. i've asked him to bring home only a single portion for himself instead of several.
i had planned a very tasty and healthy chicken caesar salad for dinner. instead, the second i smelled the fried chicken, i wanted some. i fought it, hard. i even left the house for a while to try and get past it. but in the end, i decided that instead of foregoing the fried chicken and eating something else but still craving the stuff and bingeing later, i would have one piece along with some vegetables and leftover pasta from dinner last night. it was okay as far as dinners go. but i know that i have to weigh in tomorrow. i'm feeling anxious to go get in the gym. i want this out of my system NOW!
from now on...its over. i'm imposing a law. no more of that crap when i have spent precious time making menu plans and grocery shopping for healthy meals for both of us. if he wants to eat that junk...he can go for it. but i refuse to feel bad when his health problems decline even more because of it. i don't want it in my house anymore. ever.
so sayeth me. so i damn well expecteth it will be done.
::breathe in, breathe out:: ok. rant over.
in other news, while i was browsing blogs the other night, i came across this post on Tales of an Ordinary Life. the gist of it is that you make a list of 101 things/goals/activites you want to accomplish in 1001 days. created by Day Zero, the mission is to complete 101 preset goals in the 1001 day period (approx. 2.75 years). the tasks must be specific (no ambiguity) and the results must be measurable and require some amount of effort on your part.
since i'm an insane lover of lists, this appealed to me automatically. i decided to start working on MY list, tentatively because it is taking way longer to come up with 101 goals than i thought. currently i'm at about 40 or so. but it's a work in progress and one i'm definitely excited to do. once completed, i will post my list here for the world to see (or the random few followers and tagalongs i do have lol i love you all by the way :) )
also Tricia down at Fight Fat Phobia is having a giveaway! a whole big pile of awesome! but don't enter! i want!
alrighty y'all. i'm off to the gym to replace the fried chicken in my veins with adrenaline! raWR!
other than that i'm taking it pretty easy today. i'll probably hit the gym in a bit to get in some activity. work my arms and legs, maybe get in some yoga. nothing too strenuous, but i want to get out of the habit of working out one day and then not doing anything for a few days. i want to try and do some sort of fitness activity every day (i'm excluding the regular activity i get in every day; walking, housework, errands etc.)
i finally got the pics from sunday's lake outing uploaded. it was so so lovely up there.
gonna take me some nyquil and knock out for the night...
back to life tomorrow.
and today starts a new one...oi
my week in dinners goes as follows:
monday- coconut crusted tilapia, garlic pasta, and steamed veggies
tuesday- shrimp quesadillas
wednesday- chicken caesar salads
thursday- meatballs and spaghetti at my mothers...best fucking meatballs on the planet
friday- slow-cooker chicken curry, rice
saturday- stuffed pepper soup
sunday- leftovers a' la carte
i'll post recipes as the days go along!
-this blog for one, i've added some things, gotten rid of a few, and in all i think i'm shaping it up to look really great and not just another blog.
-myself; i've been really focusing on moving more, not necessarily working out more (though thats the next step) but generally just making sure i'm moving. i've been limiting my tv time, so i have more time and energy to dance around the house like a goof ball to my mp3 player on shuffle, more time to do projects around the house, and less time feeling like a lazy blob on the couch while i watch re-runs.
-my education; i've finally made some serious steps toward getting back to school. i hit sort of a wall and was feeling like a failure, but after some serious struggle and being an ass, i finally let someone help me. i felt like i had so much weight on my shoulders that i would suffocate, from how to pay for it and if i would ever find a major that i truly loved, but with actual work in the right direction i've managed to leave a lot of that weight behind. i'm starting to get pumped about school again instead of terrified. i just have to be ready to focusfocusfocus and i think for once i really will be able to.
as far as changing other things...i made a change to my menu for tonight and it was seriously for the better. i had been planning on making salmon fillets, but when i checked my reading list this morning i found a recipe that sounded amazing...
~Red Pepper and Salmon Quiche w/ Butter-Herb Crust~
this recipe is courtesy of Recipe Shoebox
this was seriously flipping good. i added salmon to the original recipe and it turned out amazingly. this was my first attempt at both cooking and eating quiche and it was definintely a winner. it was light and delicious and i served it with a caesar salad w/ light dressing and a quick, warm potato salad that i made from the leftover oven fries from last nights dinner and some fresh fruit. perfect perfect perfect.
~Creamy Herbed-Garlic Potato Salad~
1 medium russet potato, baked through and cubed
2 tbsp mayo (light or regular)
1 tsp lime juice
1/2 tsp garlic
liberal pinch of parsley (rosemary would work really nicely too)
stir together dressing ingredients until well mixed and then fold into potato cubes. voila!
(can be served warm or cold)