11.23.2010

why i hate making doctors appointments and why i (literally) feel like harvey dent...

ok. so since friday of last week i've been feeling like i have two faces.

not in a figurative way either.

...perhaps some background is necessary here.

for a few weeks now i've been having constant, daily headaches, jaw pain and facial twitches on my left side. i thought it was just stress, maybe i started grinding my teeth, or something. friday morning i woke up to find a completely new symptom; the left side of my mouth stopped moving and i was having trouble closing my left eye completely. it was fucking scary dudes. my mind went immediately to STROKE, holy fuck i had a stroke. luckily, i watch copious amounts of House and knew the components to the stroke test. slurred speech? nope. downturned lip? nope. numbness? nope. inability to hold my arms parallel to the floor? nope. thank fucking jesus.

my wonderful EMT fiance thinks its TMJ or something to do with the nerves connected to my jaw. tmj is usually easily treated, but i'm gonna be honest here, the most terrifying part for me is wondering if my face will be like this forever. if i'm always going to feel like a picasso painting. wondering if everyone is going to notice and ask what's wrong with me. terrified, y'all.

i have a doctors appointment tomorrow at 8 am (moangroan) to see whats the what. i am going through such intense anxiety right now. and heres the reason why i havent been to the denist since 2006. or why i was near death the last time i forced myself to go to the docs. why i'm a coward when it comes to the gyno or getting a mammogram. what if i go in, and they find something horribly life-alteringly awful. i would rather hide in ignorance.

but i'm going tomorrow. after fighting to gather the courage to make a call the last few days, i did it. it doesnt make me feel better. it makes me feel like my stomach is a black hole, lead balloon, anything really bad.

but i'm going. i am going. really really going.

i know, because raphael is driving me. so i cant flake out. (even though i want to more than anything in the world.)

i am going.

please god let them figure out whats wrong with me. and let it be treatable. please.

8 comments:

  1. Hey Erin,

    Just read your post - don't freak out it could be Bell's palsy (which is caused by an infection and is temporary) A friend of mine had it recently and we all thought stroke too but lucky it wasn't.

    Melissa

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know exactly how you feel! I dread making appointments when something is wrong as well, but at least you're getting shit sorted out, all that matters. A friend of mine had Bell's Palsy as well, easily treated and went away fairly quickly. Chin up :o)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I was also going to suggest Bell's Palsy....it's only temporary, they give you steroids I think. YOu gotta go to the doctors!

    ReplyDelete
  4. It could be Bell's palsy. Caused by infection in middle ear affecting the facial nerve. Its completely curable. But do go to the doc :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Please let me know if you're looking for a article writer for your blog. You have some really good articles and I believe I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I'd love to write
    some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine.
    Please shoot me an e-mail if interested. Regards!

    My blog post - bankruptcy attorney florida

    ReplyDelete
  6. Fantastic post but I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this topic?
    I'd be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Appreciate it!

    Feel free to visit my blog post; http://www.dodgecumminsforsale.org/one-of-the-best-deals-you-can-take-buying-lifted-dodge-cummins

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know this if off topic but I'm looking into starting my own blog and was curious what all is needed to get setup? I'm assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny?

    I'm not very internet smart so I'm not 100% positive. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Kudos

    My weblog: huggies newborn coupons

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hello there! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I genuinely enjoy reading
    through your posts. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects?
    Thank you!

    Also visit my weblog Addiction To Methadone

    ReplyDelete