coming alive again...

hey all,
i know i've been kind of an absent blogger lately, but there have been some big changes over here at casa de erin.

i weighed on friday, but i don't remember what it was and every time i weigh myself now it changes every day. so i'm gonna hold off and do it friday and just go with that number.

but back to the changes.

so i realized about a week and a half ago that i was in kind of a depressive funk. the thing i love (read: hate) about being depressed is that i only recognize the telling signs of it in myself after it's already been hanging around like a houseguest that wont leave and uses all your clean towels and eats all your cheerios. but the point is, i DID recognize the signs like anger, moodiness, bouts of sleeplessness and oversleeping for hours, and general lack of interest in everything. so i set to work to try to clear away the clouds and get back to feeling like myself again.

i think the whole thing started when i filed my intent to graduate. you'd think something like that would make me ecstatic, overjoyed, whatever. but it terrified me. the second i clicked "file intent" i was automatically flooded with negative thoughts. i have a chronic fear of failure, and something like this triggered it big time. probably from then on i became someone else. that person used my face and body, tried to be me, but failed. i dont think anyone was fooled. i was a mess inside.

we're not even gonna talk about the Cupcake Incident.

yea...badbadbadness.

but i managed to get my sunshine back, and it seriously feels like i've been asleep for the last month. i barely remember anything.

i've been working on getting not only myself, but my home and school environment organized and under control again. i've been sleeping better, taking better care of myself, keeping up with my schoolwork, and being attentive in my relationship.

it feels good to be back...