new years and old...

happy new one boys and girls!!!

2009 was a roller coaster year for me. it started out with insane momentum and motivation. by mid-year i was racing through hairpin, terrifying curves, loops, and freefalls. now as we enter into the new year, it finally feels like i'm sliding comfortably back onto the platform. full of relief, adrenaline and excitement.

i'm ready to jump on a new coaster. only this time i'm prepared. i faced my worst and best year to date. i healed myself through painful failures and celebrated my achievements and successes. i'm entering into 2010 with a full team of support, my friends, family...and the people that helped me push myself harder when i thought i couldn't keep going, who laughed with me, comiserated with me, and shared their own successes and pitfalls, bravely and openly....

YOU

this whole community of ladies (and a few fellas), you guys have lifted me up and helped me to find the strength within myself to never settle for less than my best, but also to find the courage to pick myself back up when i stumble. i will never take for granted all the lessons i've learned and the friendships i've found in this place of all places. thank you, all of you. i can only hope i'm able to be there for you the way you have been for me. i love you guys. for reals.

in 2009 i...
-learned to love me, back tits, thunder thighs and all
-succeeded in being admitted to Penn State University, an immense personal point of pride. to go from an all time low in community college, to finding a major and career calling that genuinely makes me excited for my future, i've never felt so lucky
-lost 40 lbs from my all time highest weight
-lost consistently for 4 months without gaining
-found the strength to overcome an overwhelming feeling of worthlessness and depression.
-stopped taking my family and friends and loved ones for granted
-found the love of an amazing man, who loves and wants every inch of me

-tried new things

-went new places

-learned to embrace a new and successful way of living and losing

tonight marks the end of my scale challenge. tomorrow morning is looming. anticipation and fear are battling in my belly. i plan on taking my measurments first, and then weighing-in.

holy shit y'all. i have successfully completed, for the first time, an actual challenge. i've started a hell of a lot of them but i've never looked back over it from the finish line. it feels...awesome.

really. fucking. awesome.

let's go people...let's kick ass for the next 365.
i'll be with you the whole damn way.