i iron-manned that shit...

holy beezus and ramona....

want a challenge? have your best friend get stuck in your snowy ass driveway and then push that shit till you just can't push no more...

in your pijamas...

my arms and chest and back are just screaming. but it was a hell of a fucking workout. and, bonus: i discovered that the $40 i spent on winter boots instead of spending it on christmas gifts was actually worth it.

in other news...i'm almost at the end of my scale-less challenge. i'm excited and scared about stepping on the scale. and then i'm wondering whether i want to go back to weighing weekly or do it monthly. in all honesty...i busted ass for like half the month and did some serious work. the second half? not so much. i still made progress, true...but i know i could have done so much better. i may compromise and do bi-weekly weigh ins.

i also tried on a few dresses i bought last summer and maaaan. there is a serious difference. they are SO big up in the bust lol. and there's serious improvement in the way they drape on my figure now. now i'm pumped to go shopping for some new sexy dresses. :D

christmas dinner is game-planned like hell, and i'm really excited to see how it'll go. starting wednesday...4 days of baking and cooking and merry making shall commence.


hope everyone has a kick ass holiday! stay strong y'all. no need to fall ass over ankles off the wagon!

another size bites the dust....

hell to the yes people!

last night as i was getting ready for bed, i got a little idea. my jeans are getting looser and looser every week so i thought, why not try on the next size down?

and by fucking god...they fit!

albeit they are quite snug, but they zip and button! that counts as victory to me, no?

the last time i fit into these jeans was the summer of 2006...so needless to say, i'm pretty frigging excited.


on the the next!

goals folks...let's achieve em.

a. perfect. fucking. weekend.

i had an in.sane. weekend.

saturday i went out to the bar for my girl abbey's 21st (belated) birthday party. we had a nice little gathering. did some catching up and gossiping with the chickies, some drinking and bullshitting with the boys and generally had a pretty good time.

sunday...oh my god. that hint i made about possible love in the air? consider it official. i spent an entire day with this guy...just being with each other. he made me breakfast...pancakes. so cute. lol. my head is in the fucking clouds right now. i didn't ever think spending time with anyone could be so comforting and familiar. we've only known each other for a little while, only gone on 3 dates so far, but sometimes, you just have a feeling...

as far as my eating...i've been doing pretty well, despite a new man who cooks like a top chef and a slight increase in alcohol consumption. lol wine just goes so well with fine dining.

-stats-

friday
calorie goal-1900
calories eaten-1850

saturday
calorie goal-2000
calories eaten-2176

sunday
calorie goal-1900
calories eaten- 1906

stats/ christmas dinner plan of attack

tuesday

calorie goal-1900

calories eaten-1924

activity

circuit training- 1 hr

calories burned- 150

wednesday

calorie goal- 1800

calories eaten- 1400 (i did end up sleeping in till past noon)

activity

walking- 1 hr. 25 mins.

calories burned-309

thursday

calorie goal- 1800

calories eaten-1700

this week is going by so fast. i still get the urge to weigh at least once a day but the point is, i don't. i'm sticking with what i said i wanted to do. the eating is slowly becoming second nature, and i have to say, it feels amazing. like, for all those times i said i knew what i was doing and then subconsciously sabotaged my efforts, every day i'm learning a new way of getting through each day stronger and better than the day before. i know what foods to definitely not bring into the house, and i'm making sure i keep the best of it stocked constantly.

my mom and i are planning christmas dinner. for 12 people. 3 of whom are on diets. but 9 of whom are gravy and cheese and stuffing loving whores who demand the impossible from us. lol temptation from HELL. but instead of being intimidated and caving and serving up piles of clam balls and cheese balls and all that fat-trociousness. we are making smaller portions of the things the boys absolutely can't live without, and revamping the rest to make it healthier. also we'll be preparing some alternative dishes for the weight-loss minded who don't want to go nuts.

our family has used christmas dinners/ holiday parties as an excuse indulge on a grand scale. this year, at least my mother and i are sticking to the goals we made. the boys? they are irritatingly thin (not neccesarily healthy, but their asses are forgiving when they eat too much...::evil grin:: for nowww...hehe) but the point is. goals folks...theyre being stuck to, and it feels great. empowering even.

in other news, i won't say much just yet, but there's a possibility for love in the air this winter :)

oatmeal, rock of ages, and self discovery...

first off...oatmeal? we're friendly again. like reaaal friendly. i've been feeling burnt out on cream of wheat and while i was cruising the cereal isle, i looked over at the hot cereals. now let's get something straight. i don't do the fancy oatmeal flavors like date and nut or whatever, i'm one of those people that still are way into dinosaur egg oatmeal.
(which is THE shit by the way. in what other breakfast medium can you start with little eggs and end up with teeny little dinos?! i challenge you to find it.) but i decided to give the jolly quaker another chance and by god he did not disappoint. i picked up the apples and cinnimon flavor, which includes bitty little pieces of dried apples, the only thing i wish there were more of. other than that its a super breakfast. one little packet comes in at under 150 calories and i stay full and satisfied till just before lunchtime. super delish yo. in fact...i think i'm a little obsessed. is it possible to be an oatmeal junkie? just gimme my dark roast and a bowl of that and i'm in heaven.

secondly, rock of ages on broadway.

i wanna go real bad. the only thing, i cannot stand constantine maroulis (of american idol fame) and unfortunately he plays the lead male. sigh. he just looks so ridiculous, and not to mention his overly campy-lothario act. is he really that attractive or just full of his own shit? oh well, they've got some major other talent. enough so that i'm considering going anyway. hmmm...there may be trip to the city in the soonish future.

as far as self discovery goes, i've discovered something about myself this week. i really am strong. i make goals and i have what it takes to chase them down. i may not get there exactly when i plan to, but i will get somewhere, and the only way to go then is onward and up. i think for the first time i'm seeing myself as a success, and a success in progress. i used to think that only once you got to your goal weight could you consider it a success. but now i see that as long as you keep pushing yourself and never settling for half your best, you are already succeeding. success is not measured in pounds and inches. it's measured in the willingness you find inside yourself to go one more day, one day at a time.

week 1? done!...

i can't believe it.

i actually did it. i made it a whole week. i did a personal best with my eating. like...i literally shocked myself with how well i did.

i even kicked ass in the gym, despite a sudden neck injury. i had to put my shredding dreams on hold for the moment, but i'm not letting it hold me back from doing the best that i absolutely can.


-stats-

saturday
calorie goal- 1900
calories eaten- 1911
activity
walking/jogging on tread-35 mins
calories burned-224

sunday
calorie goal- 2000
calories eaten- 2203 (for some reason i was really fucking hungry all day. i decided to up my calorie goals a little bit, and use them to try and get more protein into my system so i stay satisfied longer)

monday
calorie goal- 2000
calories eaten- 1978
activity
BL weight loss yoga- 30 minutes
walking on treadmill- 20 minutes
calories burned- 400



one week down, three to go!
let's rock on bitches....

day 4

first things first, i have to reccomend to anyone who feels a little lost, if you feel like giving up, don't....stop right where you are and read this. this chick never fails to make me laugh and also inspire me to kick ass like i know i can.

secondly...dudes, i just had the BEST fucking dinner ever. (well, at least this week) it was totally healthy, and insanely delicious.

i got this little idea today when i was craving pizza hardcore, but didn't wan't to blow my diet for the day.

not entirely original, but it's the first time i've ever made it and it frigging rulllllles.

fresh mini-pizzas with turkey pepperoni

1 whole wheat sandwhich thin, split
1/4 cup tomato sauce
1 cup part skim mozzarella
6-8 slices of turkey pepperoni
1/2 cup chopped red and green peppers

heat oven to 375. place sandwich thin halves on a cookie sheet. spoon tomato sauce over the thins evenly, top each with 3/4 c. of the cheese. arrange pepperoni and top with peppers and the remaining cheese. bake for 5 minutes, set under broiler for 3 minutes or until cheese browns on top. cut each pizza in half and serve.

total calories per serving-531
total fat-26.5
total carbs-37.1
protien-39

wanna know how good it was?

yummmmmm

also, you will notice the empty yogurt container. this evening, i discovered for myself greek yogurt. all i have to say is, why the hell didn't anyone make me try this before?! my grocery store just started carrying it, and i hope they continue, cause i'm pretty sure the little four pack i bought aint gonna last long.

-todays stats-
calorie goal-1800
calories eaten-1656
activity
walking-1 hr 20 mins
calories burned-297


fuck.yea.dudes.

day 3

oookay

today was pretty great.

i attempted day two of the shred, but last night i pulled a muscle in my neck pretty badly and the sit ups and push-ups were just agonizing. i did as many of them as i could before feeling like my brainstem was going to detach.

heres me all pumped to get shredding

instead of pussing out though, i put in some time on the treadmill. then, while i was in my gym i realized how depressing it is in there. how i have to force myself to stay in there. i need to decorate in there. do it up so it might be a place i enjoy going and feel great in. i did rearrange some of the equipment to open up some space. also i put up a shelf in front of the tread so that i can plug in my laptop and watch movies or tv episodes while i walk. better than staring at the clock.

i'm gonna bust out a serious walk tomorrow while the little booger's napping. i've got a new movie from netflix i haven't watched yet, and how better a way to spend an hour or two?

i've also found a pretty effective pre-workout snack: 1 slice bread or pita spread with 2 tbsp reduced fat peanut butter. its about 300 cals but it keeps me satisfied since i don't usually eat a huge lunch, and packs some good protien. apples and pb is great too, but until payday i'm fruit and veggieless except for half a grapefruit, and really, grapefruits can suck it.

now for some stats-

thursday

calorie goal- 1800

calories eaten- 1853

activity

shred level 1- 8 minutes

walking on treadmill

dude though, even 8 minutes of shred has me sorrrre! i know the more weight i lose the easier it will be to do the whole thing. so...goals folks! lets achieve em!

oh, and this totally floored me the other day watching tv with the kid.....

it's called Pop the Pig. you'd think in a country that has such a huge problem with obesity among children and adults they would pass up the idea for a children's game that involves you stuffing a pig full of hamburgers until it pops. i'm a bit disgusted by it really. seems ridiculously counterproductive.

till tomorrow y'all

a great start/ *new progress pics*

today is day 2 of going scale free. i feel like i'm off to a really great start. i did weigh in yesterday and found i was up 1 lb, but thats way better than the 6 lbs the scale kept showing. oi.

yes...marvel at my paleness and the teeny spot

of green nailpolish i'm too lazy to just chip off

i've been eating really well yesterday and today, staying right inside my calorie goals. i've cut a lot of high carby foods, or reduced the amount of the ones i can't live without. i also have been sticking to my plan of drinking only water and coffee. no juices or tea or soda for a while.

i'm going to be taking a page out of rachel @ body by pizza's book and regularly post stats. i feel like it will help me hold myself accountable. i'll be posting my calorie goals, intake, and activity. i'm starting the shred tonight, so hopefully i'll be busting out some serious calorie burns along with my regular walks and gym time.

monday
calorie goal- 1800
calories eaten- 1753
activity
35 minute walk

tuesday
calorie goal-1800
calories eaten- 1803
activity
shred level 1 (20 minutes)



and now for the moment that has me really tickled....my newest progress pic!

i cannot believe that the same jeans that, just a few months ago were so tight i couldn't sit down in without being afraid they'd split, are now getting very loose. every week they fit better and better and soon they just won't fit at all. lol look how baggy they are in the ass! god, every time i take a new picture i just am blown away that there is an actual difference. sunday i went over to my moms for dinner and i wore a tighter shirt than i have the past couple times i've seen her. when i took my coat off she just...looked. then smiled. it felt so good. this hard work i'm doing. it really does show.

alright, it's definitely a start. forward momentum! onward! :)

moment of truth...

okay.

tomorrow is it. day one of my scale-less month. this means i'll be weighing in 2 days earlier than normal.

i am actually scared.

i've been eating really well. staying well within (and frequently below) my calorie goals.

but something in my head has been making me obsess over the scale. i've been weighing myself sometimes 5 times a day for the past 3 days or so. i haven't EVER done this. i've been number obsessed in the past, but something about going 30 days without looking at the scale is telling me that i can't handle it. some scared part of my subconscious thinks i'm going to go off the deep end without having that scale every thursday to keep me in check.

what the fucking fuck?

knowing this about myself, knowing i've been thinking and feeling this for days without truly understanding what it was about has made me all the more determined to face this fear and just fucking do it.

my weight has been up (by more than i would have though possible) every time i "peek". i don't know if it's a true gain, but i know now that seeing that higher number only fueled the obsessive compulsions to weigh myself and also the feelings of fear.

so whether i'm scared or not, tomorrow morning, i'm getting on that damn scale. i'm getting my shred dvd in the mail tomorrow afternoon, and i'm just gonna do it. no. matter. what.


here's to the next 30 days people.



oh gawd.

weigh-in/ thanksgiving recession style

happy thanksgiving to my fellow 'Mericans and happy thursday to ev'rybody else :)

i started out my day with a great weigh-in!

starting weight: 350
current weight: 332.4

weekly loss: -2.4

total loss: -17.4

i've lost one of these bad boys so far!

fuck yea! i'm exactly halfway to my 10% goal folks. mmhm.






but then for breakfast...doughnuts.
not just one...
i'm too ashamed to say how many. just know...there was carnage. sugary donut death.

i managed to wipe the glaze off my face, dust off the powdered sugar, and pull myself together.

then i moved the hell on.

later, we had to stop by the grocery store for some dinner stuff on the way to the train station, and we managed to create a decent feast for only $20. everything else we had or made do with something similar. bargain!

our little roaster chicken in lieu of a big ole turkey

simple. necessary.

my famous fresh corn and red pepper cornbread stuffing!

feast?! lol can you tell how much i love me some side dishes?

fresh cranberry, apple and orange relish

our mini punkin pies! 60 cents each and cuter'n hell!

so with another thanksgiving past, i'm thankful for-

-my bro being able to come home early

-sharp knives

-cheap wine

-fresh fruits n' veggies

-a sturdy oven (though God, if you're listening, theres not much i wouldn't do for some sexy double ovens)

-mashed potatoes with lotsa garlic and herbs

-knowing my family is safe and healthy

-and food coma bliss coupled with the relief that comes with knowing my weigh-in is done with till next week.

need a challenge?

so as thursday draws nearer, i can't help but feel a bit nervous. i've done pretty well this week, but i did fantastic last week and lost next to nothing. i've got serious fingers crossed.

i'm not sure if ya'll caught my last post, for some reason it posted with a completely different time stamp and didn't show up on my own reader, so i'll recap.

sucky weigh-in. moving on.

i'm setting myself some new challenges and i wanted to know if youse guys wanted to join me in in busting ass to start '10 a little lighter and with goals achieved.

i want to go scale-less for the month of december. i want to see if it will be easier to focus on feeling good and getting things done without obsessing about 3 little digital numbers.
my challenge will start on dec. 1st in the a.m., when i will post pictures of my weight on the scale. i'll hide my scale away where i'm not tempted to pull it out and take a quick "peek". on jan 1st in the a.m. i will weigh-in and take an "after" photo.

wanna play along at home? if i can get a few chicks (and dudes, too...im an EqualOpportunityChallengesetter) i'd like to propose a giveaway to award to the person who loses the most weight by the challenge end date. i haven't yet decided what it'll be, but i'll have a better idea of what to give by who i can get to sign up! i'll call it the official December Scale Boycott challenge. eh? lol i'm open to other suggestions too.

i'd also like to set a fitness challenge for myself (and for anyone else who wants to challenge themselves) i want to log 45 miles either walking or biking by january 10th. my motivation is to be able to hike my way up and down the walkways at my college campus (which is on a friggin mountain) and i'd like to replace about 20 lbs of ass with a fat backpack of books.

wanna join me? if yes, leave me a comment saying so or email me directly. i'll set an official roster on dec. 1st.

rock. it. out...

have you ever looked back at something you've done and just wondered who exactly the fuck hijacked your body?

thats me, thinking about the kickassitude i built up and maintained this week. even when i did weight watchers and was hardcore dieting i never did this well without feeling like it was a homework assignment i was pretty sure i wasn't gonna hand in.

i tracked. everything. everyday.
i got in some serious activity at least 3 days this week. not that silly
"i walked up the stairs a lot today" bullshit.
my eating was fucking on point 7 out of 7 days.

and the best part?

i was really, and i mean *really* happy this week. i haven't felt this honestly good since...god, for a long fucking time.

i've got my shit together. for reals together.
i'm going up to Penn State tomorrow to sign up for my spring semester. and for the first time since even before i graduated from high school have i actually felt ready and seriously pumped about school. not pumped about paying for it, but what the fuck can ya do.

lol even after writing all this, i still have this "who am i?" feeling. did someone slip uppers into my water bottle?


psh...i don't even care. i'm gonna riiiiide it. :)

back on track...

ahh...




it feels so good to have my focus back.



the past five days have been great. i've kept on track, stayed within my calorie goals while still letting myself have a treat or two. i've also tracked my intake every day since thursday (which sadly is a personal best for the past 6 months or so lol) i've realized that if i'm going to stick with it, i have to make it into a regular habit. and to do that, i have to be willing to take the time to do it every day. also to be honest with myself and not try to pretend i didn't eat something if i did.

lol my fitday account is probably shitting itself wondering who the heck is logging stuff like they're supposed to. since i started using that site, i've only used it to log my weight and calculate my basic calorie guidelines and restrictions. now i'm really putting it to use, and i have to say i'm pretty proud of myself. to look at the log and see 5 whole days in a row rather than 1 or 2 every few weeks. sad, that is.



i've also employed a few tricks to keep myself focused...

-keeping the pantry door closed so i'm not looking in at all the snacks every time i go into the kitchen
-keeping the kitchen light off in the evening so i'm not tempted to go wandering in there for food when i'm bored
-drinking only one glass of non-water beverages a day
-eating my highest calorie meal for breakfast or lunch so that i can burn it off rather than carbo-loading a few hours before bed when i'm at my least active
-leaving my computer downstairs instead of taking it to my bedroom to avoid watching movies on netflix instead of getting well needed sleep
-brushing my teeth after each meal to reduce cravings


hmm. wow...i didn't realize how much i was actually doing to stay focused on my goal. that makes me feel kind of...excited. like i'm putting in a real effort without feeling like its a big hassle or forcing myself to do it.

now i just have to put in more work on the fitness front. i haven't been doing terribly with it, but enough to make me realize i'm still slacking. i have plenty of opportunities to get in exercise during the day, so i have to take advantage of them, cause there's no point in just letting them pass by and then bitching that i'm not seeing the numbers i want on weigh-in day.

i'm pumped to see what kind of results i'll see on the scale on thursday...

all i needed was a reboot...

yesterday i sat down in my kitchen and thought about what i really wanted. for myself. for my life.

losing focus is a habit for me. one i've fallen back into time and time again. it happens with my weight loss, it happens with school, friends, projects, you name it. and what's more, no matter how often, i let it go on much longer than it ever should. i'm holding myself back, and for what? i have this fear, this...nightmare really, that i'm not just fooling everyone else, but myself. that i'm already a failure, so why not just let myself fail. it's this leftover defense mechanism from a childhood that was far from dreamy. don't put yourself out there, don't trust, don't give your heart away, don't try.

i've turned down opportunities, amazing opportunities...out of fear.

no more.

i have the tools and the strength within myself to take on my world, to follow my ambitions, no matter how far reaching.

all i needed was a good system crash. to help me see the junk i've been letting in my life, in my mind and heart. things that were letting me feel like it was okay to be satisfied with sub par. i'm worth more than that. i deserve to be the woman hiding inside the scared little girl.


so this is my rededication. to myself and to everything i want to achieve, be it weight loss or finally finding a major i love and a career path i can be proud of. a me i can be proud of.

adventures in bingeing.....

holy binge eating, batman...

what did i do this week?!

i don't know what came over me at times, but i know it wasn't anything that had weight loss in mind.

birthday cake...
margaritas and chips/tuscan spinach dip...
halloween candy...
ice cream...
pizza...

all i can say is thank god i didn't go on a fast food kick. but frankly...compared to binges i've gone on in years past, i'm just glad this occured over a week's worth of time instead of one weekend, or hell, one day. i know i didn't do all bad this week. i had a few healthy meals, pretty decent activity at least 4 days out of 7, and plenty of water, no sodas or massive amounts of snacking. just some out of touch moments of bad choices mixed in with some emotional eating.

there are of course, a few choice excuses i could employ. TOM, birthday celebrating, etc. but i'm not gonna. the calorific malcontents are out of the house and i'm ready to do work next week. i have a goal to reach and i have to prove to myself that i'm willing to put in the effort to make it.

i'm still flip-flopping on making a decision on whether or not i will be weighing in tomorrow, as i usually don't weigh in on TOM weeks. i may do it anyway...sort of as a visual way of acknowledging and taking responsibility for my choices this week.

wish me luck, bloggers...i need to get back on my feet and my mind on my goal.

update...

apologies for the serious lack in posts, i've just really been sort of...out of things to blog about for the moment.

though i did wanna talk about my weekend fun...

my friend dani and i hit up TGIfridays for drinks and munchies (in which i did partake shamelessly).

tip though...don't go out drinking BEFORE you plan on trying on jeans...lets just say there was some....frustration.

here's some of my shopping spree loot

cream v-neck sweater: $30

gorgeous dark blue denims*: $40

studded animal print flats: $10

embellished leather flats: $40

i also stocked up on some of my favorite old navy t-shirts in white and dark grey, and found a cute slouchy tank for layering in wine for $1.50!

aaand i picked up my traditional birthday caramel apple. its a yearly must...indeed.

* a little story about those PERFECT lovely new jeans. so the pair i tried on fit nearly perfectly (i'm pretty sure the margaritas and appetizers had SOMEthing to do with that), but they had a stain on the leg and the button was loose in its setting. now, i never buy "projects". i expect the clothes i buy to be ready to wear. i went out of the dressing room after trying on all my selections (of which there were many, but none really called out to me), i grabbed another pair, in the same size (trust me, i ALWAYS check) and headed to the register. happy customer, no?
later, at home i'm taking off tags, lovingly putting away my new purchases, and i decide to try on the jeans again. imagine my surprise when i had to fight to get them all the way up, let alone the battle it took to get them buttoned. there was something WAY wrong. so on a hunch i measured the waistband. it's an entire 4 inches smaller than the same size jeans i wear now that are too BIG! now, i know the ones i tried on fit amazingly. this means they sewed the wrong size tag into a size 24 jeans. AND LEFT IT THAT WAY!!!!! i am beyond pissed. i bought these with the sole purpose of being able to wear cute jeans NOW. now 2 sizes from now. grrrrrrr.

has this ever happened to you guys?

happy birthday....

to me :)

today was threatening to be iffy..but it turned out pretty great.

i baked a cake...

then indulged in some pampering. i got a conditioning treatment, a supercute haircut, and a muuuch needed eyebrow wax.

manicure tomorrow, then drinks and some serious retail therapy on saturday.

oh. yes. can't wait.

birthday weigh-in/ stats update/ new goals

starting weight: 350

current weight: 335.4

weekly loss: -1.8

total loss: -14.6

ah! so close to 15 it's killing me!!!

ok, let's do a stats update...

total bmi points lost: -2.2

inches lost:

-waist: -4

-hips: -3

-thighs: -2.5

-calves: -.5

-chest: -4.5

-bicep: -.5

so in reaching my initial goal deadline, i find myself in need of a new goal. i've decided to set my new goal for hitting a 10% loss by New Years Eve. that's 20.4 lbs in 8 weeks. its a bit steep and i'll have to work really hard for it, but i have to believe i can do it. i've come this far.

perfect days...

i just happened to have one today.



or very very near perfect.

i got 8 hours of sleep, woke up ready to have a great day. fullll of energy. the kid and i had serious fun, plenty of activity. i got a TON of housework done; laundry, dishes, etc. made some money, got some money in the mail....yup one hell of a productive day.

i did have a perfect day eating-wise.

nutrigrain bar- 7:30 a.m.
1 egg on 2 slices of toast w/ cheese- 8:30 a.m.
strawberry yogurt- 12 p.m.
romaine salad w/ 4 oz. grilled chicken,
fat free croutons, peppercorn dressing. apple- 3 p.m.
2 small salmon cakes, green beans, 1/2 c. oven potatoes w/ 1 tbsp garlic mayo- 6:30 p.m.

lots of water, little snacking, healthy portions, all food groups covered...sounds damn near perfect to me.

i'm also planning on reading for a little bit and in bed by 11.

here's to more "perfect" days....

sticky laptop death

ok bloggers...just wanted to let y'all know i might be slightly more absent than usual on account of my laptop falling to pieces. if i can handle typing on it without any more keys falling off or tearing my hair out in frustration...i'll be back.

p.s. hot sugary coffee + keyboard = baaaad match (in my defense...it was only an eensy bit, and when i gently pried up the few keys to clean it, who knew it would kill my keyboard forever.) i'm contemplating a new one...instead of buying a replacement keyboard for a tres old laptop that would end up needing replaced in a year anyway.

weigh-in

starting weight: 350
current weight: 337.2
weekly loss: -.8
total loss: -12.8


ugh. the worst part is that this comes as NO surprise. i totally dropped the ball this week. too much or not enough of one thing or another. still, its always nice to see even a slightly smaller number.

oh, and just a tip...if you weigh-in in the mornings, don't get all anxious and weigh yourself in the middle of the night "just to peek". i'm certain my weigh in would have been at least a pound better had i not lost my patience and weighed myself at 3 a.m., and when it said i was up 2.8 (!!!!) i then proceded to have a food orgy of shame. thank god i just stuck to pretzels and chips and not the leftover chicken and mashed potatoes calling my name in the fridge. i was also contemplating some grilled cheese and other crappola. thank the baby jebus.


also...i'm getting a little sick of all the product placement on biggest loser. it's just ridiculous. i think i may opt to watch online and bypass all the commercials. did you know at least 30 minutes of the biggest loser programming is commercials? NUTS!

Menu Plan Monday

so this week i'm focusing on making my 15 lb goal, while still making satisfying and healthy meals. that means lots of veggies, lean meats and fish and cutting back my pasta and carb intake a bit. i have a week and a half until my birthday and i want to try reallllly hard to hit that goal and keep my weight loss consistant.

what i'm eating this week:

monday- tomato soup and grilled cheese

tuesday- baked jerk chicken, smashed potatoes, steamed carrots and green beans

wednesday- cajun shrimp and veggie packets, rice

thursday- caesar salad with blackened salmon

friday- leftovers a' la carte

saturday- salsa chicken, black beans and rice w/ fresh corn and green peppers

sunday- parmesan baked tilapia, baked potato, steamed broccoli


also! i managed to book work for EVERY day this week. mama be gettin some bill moneyyyy

weekend update: enter if you dare.....

oh man! having such a great weekend so far! my brother came home for a visit this weekend and we've been gettin into some great stuff. i was missin that kid pretty hardcore.

first things first: my spoooooky fridge!


lol think it'll keep me focused? i kept giggling like a dork at the "enter if you dare" context.

today we carved pumpkins and had a serious blast, tomorrow is dinner at the mom's and an apple pie bake-off!

guts and gunnetts!

ahh pumpkin carving...a forgotten art. (left: craig's Drexel Dragon right: mine! jack skellington)

pretty badass if do say so myself (and i do!)

on the weight loss front, i've been definitely working harder at eating more balanced and way less junk. all the candy and sweets are gonegonegone so they will no longer be a temptation. i'm trying like hell to work hard and meet my 15 lb goal this thursday. getting my schedule back in order and keeping track of my foods better will definitely help me achieve that goal.

on another note:
i've also been thinking a lot about body image and what motivates each of us as we take this journey. Jen had a great post yesterday about what motivates her, and it planted a thought seed in my brain. what is it that motivates people? is it looking hot like we did way back when? is it a smaller jeans size? health? family?

everyone has different and intensely personal reasons and motivations for wanting to lose weight. for some they want the body they used to have back, that place in time where they felt they looked best. and let me say up front...there is not a thing wrong with this kind of motivation...if it works for you, then it works, and keep going on with your bad self. but for me, i hated my body for much of my adolesence and never really experienced the pleasure some feel at being slim. but i found my own pleasure as i got older and learned to appreciate the body i had. i found my confidence, learned that no matter what size i am: i am beautiful. maybe the world doesn't think so, but i do. i see my curves and the shape of my figure and don't automatically think: disgusting! i see a story, a person made up of all the aspects of my life. i am motivated to lose weight because i have a life to lead, one that i know will benefit from being healthier. hell yes i want smaller jeans, but that desire is in no way near the top of my list of reasoning. sure, physically i might enjoy seeing a slimmer me, but my life is not defined, nor my beauty or my opinion of myself, by the personal preferences and attractions of other people.

i'm also very motivated by the fact that i want a family, and health-wise it's no lie that being overweight and pregnant/a parent is a big risk. one i'm not willing to take lightly. i want to be able to be healthy for my child or children. i want to be a good example of loving yourself no matter what size, but also a healthy one. i don't have to be a size zero to be healthy. i don't have to be a size 10 to be healthy. i try and remind myself of this fact every time i start obsessing over clothing sizes.

everyone has different goals and motivations and ways that they define themselves in this endeavor, these are just a few of mine. what are some of yours

weigh-in/ the cuteness

starting weight: 350
current weight: 338
weekly loss: -0.6
total loss: 12 lbs


so yeahhhh...this week's weigh in was telling. though when i look back over my week, i know where i went wrong. and surprisingly it wasn't the introduction of candy and sweets into my house. i think it had more to do with the fact that i didn't track AT ALL, and i ate out a few times. i ate more often at night and was pretty inactive. i'm just glad i didn't gain.

it's time to re-commit. for reals. i really kicked ass yesterday getting the house cleaned and cleared away (over the 3 weeks or so that i was sick, i really really let the housework slide). it feels good to have a clean house again, clear of all the clutter. now i just have to work hard on the activity and tweak my eating a bit, make healthier smarter choices.



in other news...today and tomorrow i'm babysitting for my godson. he is such a freakin cutie. hopefully i can burn some serious calories chasing his goofy ass around the house lol

when you know you have a real friend...

is when you go almost a month without talking and she still loves you.

cause she knows you hate talking on the phone and can never remember to call people.


but quietly reminds you about how much it annoys her to help you be a better friend.

love you sarah. thank you for putting up with my crap for 8 years and still loving me.

love you to the moon, and then to pluto.

best best on the planet

so...i went on a grocery store binge today. not eating, buying (though the eating will come). but i bought me a neat little stash of halloween crap. i didn't buy a huge variety bag of candy, rather a couple full size candy bars. i think i got like 5. i hid them up in a cupboard for when i just gotta have me some chocolate. i also got a package of popcorn balls. theyre pretty low in fat and calories and also super awesome. the only thing is now i've got a bunch of candy and sweets in the house and i'm waiting for that urge to binge to kick in.

i'm proud of myself for not spending 20 bucks on candy, but i'm wondering if i screwed myself over by giving in to my cravings.

we'll see, come weigh in on thursday...

blogblock/ dexter lovefest

yeahhh...i seem to have blog block. nothing is going on, nothing is going through my brain...

which might have something to do with the 24 hour (literal), 2 season, Dexter love fest that just occured in my bedroom. (woulda been 36 if netflix had season 3 available to watch instantly)

when something other than the combatting urges to eat or sleep for 10 hours fills my brain, i will be certain to spill it all out here for youse guys.

oh. yes. *updated progress pics!*

i can't think of a title that can fully explain how flipping pumped i am right now.

starting weight- 350
current weight- 338.6
weekly loss- 4 lbs!!!!!
total loss- 11.4

ummm...hell YEAH!

i don't really know what kind of number i was expecting since last week threw me for a little loop. mostly this week i was working my ass off trying to negate that possible gain. i guess it fucking worked, man.

when i looked at the number on the scale, i gasped and literally almost fell off. lol. now, i always weigh 3 times in a row, to make sure there's no other possible weights, but i tell you what, i did NOT want to get back on. it was like my unicorn. look again and it's gone. but i did...2 more times...and YES! it's official...i'm down 4 lbs for a total of 11.4. i'm 4 lbs away from my first goal and 10.6 lbs away from my birthday goal

now i just have to keep myself going...i always start to slack off after the first 10 lbs so i gotta stick with it and do work.


for this next week i'm going to try and meet a few small goals-
-work out at least 3 times
-journal at least 5 days
-walk 6 miles (/wk total)
-kick major ass.

giving up my ghosts/ fashion update

over the years, i've had a lot of different ghosts in my head saying negative things.

some are me. some are family members. there's even one from waaaay back in the 3rd grade.

i had planned (and got halfway through writing) on writing a blog about the last experience there. it was a rough time, and it's haunted me for almost 15 years...but recounting a crappy childhood experience is so not the point i want to make.

from now on, the only voice in my head is going to be mine and i'm going to try damn hard to make sure its a positive one.

on the other note, i found an AMAZING website today.

Evans

it's a flipping fabulous plus sized online clothing store, a lot like lane bryant but with better prices and aimed more at 20somethings and a thousand times more fashionable. all of their pieces come in sizes 14-32, also pretty, sexy lingerie and the some of the most orgasmic shoes and boots (in wide calf sizes too!) i fell in love with it!! it's UK based but they ship to several other countries including the US.

i just had to share my favorites!

yummmm...guess where i'm gonna be doing my shopping spreeing?

::ahem:: and the award goes to....

me :)

alrighty, first up: thanks hadley, i return this award to you in spirit since ya already got one!

second: rules- 6 things about me my readers don't know and then passss it on.

alright, bitches (and dude bitches) let's knock this out...

1. are you sure you checked mapquest?! do you know where we're going?!?

i am intensely phobic about getting lost while driving, especially at night. if i'm going somewhere new, i get directions from all (seriously, ALL) the maps/directions web sites. over the years, since i got my car when i was 18 i've been taking steps to control my fear and anxiety, such as taking road trips (i went to tennessee!), and taking new routes on a whim and exploring new areas (but only during the day!)

2. what time is it? time for you to learn how to tell time...

i didn't master the skill of reading a clock until i was almost 15. i think it may have something to do with my dyslexia, but for whatever reason...i just couldn't get it. i got picked on by family members all the time about it. it was hardcore embarrassing.

3. one...two....FUCK!

i have both my nipples pierced. back before my tattoo/piercing parlor of choice enforced a retarded appointment policy, one could walk right in and get inked or stabbed. randomly one night i was driving through town to meet some friends and thought, what the hell? so i went for it.

4. bright lights, big city...

i love cities. almost any city. although i've lived in the country my whole life, whenever i go to NYC or Boston or Philly...DC, Baltimore etc...i feel right at home. there's a buzz of energy in a city that makes my skin tingle. i have one fatal flaw that just don't cut it in the city...i'm far too polite. guess i'll have to work on that before i decide to make my big move.

5. you see there was this guy... no wait

i downright SUCK at telling jokes or stories verbally. you see, i'm a writer at heart, so when i tell a story, i'm revising it at the same time, so i get all fucked around and stupid. the people nearest and dearest to me are well aware of this so, accordingly, they'll either deal with it (my parents, adult relatives) or they will tease me to no end (my darling baby brother) but i'm a firm believer in that if you are lacking in one area, you make it up tenfold in another. for me, it's my laugh. i have a great laugh. i am constantly laughing. my brother, he tells fucking great stories, so i always make sure to show my appreciation by laughing till i bawl.

6. can you close that?

i am obsessive about things being open that shouldn't be. cabinet doors, drawers, the lid on the washing machine, shower curtains. if i'm in a room that has something open...i get itchy to close it. my family thinks its flipping hilarious. every now and again, my brother will go out into the kitchen and open up ALL the cabinets, drawers, microwave....and just stand there and smirk because he knows i can't just go on about my business and not have a maniacal need to closethosedamndoors!

now for my honorees-

-rachel at bodybypizza: this chick downright rocks. i love her blog, i love following along on her awesome journey.

-natasha at creating natasha: one of the sweetest, awesomest canadians i've ever had the pleasure to meet.

-tricia at fight fat phobia: bad. ass. bitch. end of story...

-sophie at tales of an ordinary life: this is one lovely brit. i love her blog and i can't wait to see how far she goes with it.

-thuseybelle: this chick rules. i look forward to getting to know her better. she's a sister in this weight loss journey and a fellow ink addict.

a rockin surprise...

confession-
i have not worn jeans that didn't have stretch in them for over a year.


today...i DID.


i have this basket in my closet full of expensive jeans in sizes 22 to 28 from throughout the years. i refuse to throw them away. they are my motivation.

when i had to buy my first and only pair of size 30 jeans, i was so disgusted with myself. i hated the fact that i had to buy them online because i couldn't fit into the store sizes. i let myself binge constantly because i didn't know any other way to make myself feel better. now, i've fluctuated between a 30 and a 28 for the past year or so, but only if the 28 had some stretch in it.

right before summer started, my last pair of jeans that werent capris tore badly and weren't fixable. i made a vow then that i would not buy a new pair of jeans, but rather work hard and lose weight to fit into my old jeans.

and i've done it.

the first step at any rate.

it was bitchin cold today and i was sick and tired of sweatpants and pjs so i decided to give it a go and try and put on the jeans that have been sitting in my dresser drawer for 3 months. i was massively prepped for disappointment. so imagine my surprise when they slipped on and buttoned easily!!!

i'm so excited!!!! i can't wait to work on getting into the next pair (which is the same size, but with a smaller fit)

i also did some more closet/dresser/shoe purging and switched my summer and fall wardrobes around in the closet. i pulled a bunch of sweaters and knit stuff that i haven't worn in years and also finally have my polo collection down to 1. i just don't dig the style much anymore. i thinned down my camis as well. no one needs 20 camis. surrriusly
one of my clothes issues is that i LOVE buying underwear. all styles. all the time. over the past few months i've been slowly getting rid of the old ones, the worn out ones and the ones i don't wear at all. lol as it is they still fill 2 drawers in my lingerie dresser.

at the end of my purge session i had a 3 foot high mountain of old khakis, sweaters and hoodies, a rainbow of tank tops and ratty old tees. also a neat little hill of prom shoes and mis-matched flip flops.

phew! one more thing i can cross off my to-do list.

what a fucking awesome way to kick off the week.

the weekend update...

happy weekend folks!

so i noticed i've been a tad lax these past few weeks due to the traveling cold i've been playing host to. i'm pleased to report i'm doing way better, my body feels good...no more aches, no more fatigue, no more ab-wracking cough. all that is bueno. right now i'm trying like shit to get rid of some nasty sinus pressure in my head and ears, but thats pretty much a "stock-up-on-keenex-and-let-it-run-its-course" kinda thing...so here's hopin i'll be all fine and good by the end of the week. and thanks to everyone for the well-wishes...i'm sure they helped!

oh! guess what?! i got my Giveaway Grand-Prize goodie box yesterday and it is definitely awesome! thanks trish!!

-what i won-

-an awesome BL digital scale that will definitely come in handy
-a 5 pc. set each of measuring cups and spoons, and in festive fall colors no less!
-a cute little egg (that happens to have a beak and feet...) glass measuring cup
-a little soup thermos
-a set of locking storage containers
-the badass-est snack thingie...you can put fresh fruits or veggies in the bottom, and a little thing of dip on top! so neat.
-a package of 100 cal. packs of craisins and a package of 100 cal. pack mixed nuts (trail mix anyone?)
-2 packs of flipping awesome gum...tastes like now and laters.
and
-a nifty pedometer

holy frijole thats a lot of stuff! i also got a cute little congrats card and a ribbon, and a sticker!


in other news, i weighed-in on thursday, but was a bit disappointed. it said i was up 2 lbs...but i don't know if its cause of all the meds and not getting enough calories, or cause i'm on my period but i'm going to wait until this thursday to take down an official number. i know, totally cheating, but i don't have anyone to answer to, so i say i can...lol hopefully i'll see a loss this week. in any case i think my goal of 22 lbs by my birthday might be a tad steep. i'll be able to better evaluate it after this week's weigh-in, but if it's less than a 2 lb loss it's probably not doable (at least in a healthy fashion).
my activity level has been pretty low for the past few weeks, and reasonably so, but now i'm feeling up to taking walks outside regularly and maybe hitting the gym for some light circuits. the only thing is, i still have no appetite so i frequently forget to eat anything and then i'm starving by early evening. i've been trying to remind myself to at least get in some healthy snacks every few hours, but i just can't taste anything, so i don't get hungry for anything. right now i'm drinking most of my calories with orange juice and hot cocoa, etc. but it's not really cutting it.

i've been able to get up enough energy to get some of the housework done that's been piling up...dishes this afternoon, laundry a little later, maybe work on a menu plan and some other random to-do stuffs.

hope you guys have a spankin good weekend too!

woo! award!

thanks many times to sophie for choosing me for this loverly award.

according to the rules i have to answer some questions and pick some others for the award, but it feels a little too 9th grade myspace survey-ish, so i'm gonna opt out.

but just know, if i read your page, it generally means i think you're awesome.

in other news, thanks y'all for all the well wishes. my doc's appt. went fine (no lecture lol) but he really didn't tell me anything i didn't know so it was just like....yeaaah thanks man for validating what i figured out on my own. he prescribed me some stuff, but i generally like to avoid prescription medication so i'm goin it on my own. all i really wanted to know was that it wasn't anything more worrying than a cold on crack. the cough is pretty much on it's way out so the worst of it is gone...phew.

throwing in the towel...

i have to suck it up and go to the doc's. dammit.

i hate going to the doctors. i haven't been in like...5 years. i'm always terrified they're going to tell me i have some terminal illness or just something that will ruin my life forever. (that and the dreaded scale/weight lecture)

but this cough is insane. i've had it for 2 weeks and no matter how much i fight it, its only getting worse. on top of it i'm sleeping for an insane amount of time every day/night, my appetite is barely there and i've got a persistant headache.

i usually take the tack of "suck it up and don't complain" when it comes to sickness and pain, but now i don't even have to say anything and people around me know something is wrong.

oi.


in other news, i had a pretty great weekend. my mama and i hit up the National Apple Harvest Festival on sunday and had a fab time. got in some really great exercise walking around the grouds and checking out the stands. some good music and original craftsmen showing their stuff and mmm the smells from that place. constantly cookin up something. but i went prepared. i took some mixed nuts and some pretzels in case i got munchy and decided to hold out for ONE thing that really caught my eye, food wise. as the name implies, there are tons of apple based foods and then your basic fair fare. i went for an apple sausage sandwich with mustard. it was freakin amazing.

Battle Wendy's Burger Smackdown

so, yesterday i was driving around town, running errands and i decided to stop and get some lunch. but where to? subway? nah. what i really wanted was a cheeseburger.

first step was deciding if i could handle going to a fast food place and not going nuts. yup...i could.

step two was calming my anxiety about going into a restaurant alone. not a lot of people know this about me, but i have severe anxiety sometimes about eating in public. especially alone. for years anytime i ate fast food i used the drive thru and stuffed my face in shame and in private. so i sit for a while in the car. i breathe. i assign a number value to my anxiety level. i wait until that number goes down by at least two and then i go in.

next step is deciding what to order. when i used to eat wendy's a lot i always ordered a double cheeseburger, large fry and large root beer. i knew calorie and fat wise that was a really terrible decision and probably more food and drink than i could comfortably eat. so i downgraded. i got a regular cheeseburger, medium fry and root beer, and a frosty jr. (about 3/4 c.) i took my tray and found a table. i chose a table in the center of the restaurant, in view of other people. before i started eating i assesed my anxiety level and waited for it to go down a bit. i unwrapped my food, arranged it and dug in.

i enjoyed it immensely, did not feel ashamed for eating fast food, and didn't stuff myself full and make myself sick.


ohhh yea. another win for moi.

starting weight: 350
current weight: 342.6
weekly loss: -1

another one bites the dust...

yup...down another pound. i definitely wasn't expecting a loss this week, so that kicks it. i think it's hilarious though that i keep losing EXACTLY one pound, no more, no less.

gotta push myself realllll good this week to get to my goal.

get down with the sickness...

Dear Cold Season,

I would like you to leave me alone from now on. Lying abed all day is not in any way attractive, and it makes my hair look like Gene Wilder is hibernating on my head. I understand you have a quota to make, but cough medicine is expensive, and if you don't read the directions, is pretty much useless. My hacking and coughing sounds awful and alarms my neighbors when I shamble to the mailbox. I am running out of pajamas and I am watching far too many old Angel and CSI episodes on Netflix. I just wanted to let you know I'm done being your bitch, and that I fully intend on ignoring you tomorrow.

Thanks much,
Erin.



that's right folks, i'm done with all this lame-assness. i'm done using being sick as an excuse to be lazy and not eating right and not getting anything done. i'm going to weigh-in tomorrow and hope the scale gods take pity upon me and at least not show a gain.

i got a call to do a "pre-interview" whatever the fuck that's supposed to be a front for, but hey, it's a possible possibility. i can whore myself out to the retail powers that be and hope at least someone needs someone to do bitch work for the holiday season. in case no one knew, my parents have forbidden me to have a job next semester, and i think it's for the best but it still terrifies me. this recent stint of unemployment has been a trial for me. i've learned to accept help from others and not be so embarrased that i don't have a job. but hey, lots and lots of people are unemployed and not doing half as well as i am so, i'll take my current situation as a blessing and just learn to live with what i have.

i'm used to eating pizza not perpetrating cliche game-show tactics!

so, biggest loser tonight...yeaaah.

starting to remind anyone of that never-tiring, endlessly annoying phenomenon that is realworld/roadrules challenge?

next week i'm gonna look around for coral, queen of the alliance...maybe some quick and dirty lesbian sex on infared cam. ooh goody! stupid drama for ratings!

this week's episode did just what it was supposed to do. antagonize someone. anyone. there's gotta be a villain. and tracy was just dumb enough to take the spot.

though i have to say i was totally loving jillian. she can be a major douche, but she was pretty great this week. i'm trying real real hard to forget about her weight loss pill sell-out and concentrate on her on the show.

and poor mo. if i were him, tracy'da been bitchslapped up and down that ranch.

new awesome tv...

so i just got finished watching the pilot episode of Mercy, a new show on NBC. I thought this was just gonna be another wah-wah greys anatomy hybrid. (now thats not to say i don't orgasmically love greys anatomy...i just can't take any more of it) buuuuuuttt! no way, this show rocks frickin ass. the characters are funny as hell, the story base is current and hey! blood and violence!

the story is about Veronica, an iraqi war veteran who just got back and is having, shall we say, issues in returning to her everyday.

the show is awesome, you should watch it...i'm gonna.

you can find the first full episode on NBC.com, tvguide.com, and also hulu.com, my newest form of crack in HD

and can i just say michelle tratchtenberg is the cutest thing ever. here's a fun fact about erin g for ya'll. i'm a buffy the vampire slayer/joss whedon fanatic. yea, i said fanatic. i'm not ashamed of it. i own all 7 seasons on dvd and watch frequently. it kicks ass. but what was i talking about...oh yea, michelle tratchtenberg...she played on buffy and since the show has been off air, i've been missing seeing new stuff from her besides disney movies. and i refuse to watch gossip girl so i'm glad she's gonna be in on this new show.

jesus...nice thought soup there. maybe its the cough meds?


anyway...watch Mercy and help keep good tv on air.

battle chinese take-out...

i win, you lose chinaman.

tonight my papa called on his way home from work and asked if i would care for some chinese. really? no. i already had a fun little blackout oreo binge this afternoon. actually it was like 6 oreos, but it was still out of control. well, long story short i caved, but i made sure to specify my order because my dad is still in that mentality some guys (and some chicks who aren't food conscious) have sometimes that surprise food is a nice treat.

yea, nice and dangerous.

instead of my usual (read: former) order of sesame chicken, white rice and cheese wontons i got chicken and snow peas, a baby container of white rice, and wonton soup. i ate with chopsticks because 1) i would eat slower and concentrate more and 2) its amusing. i ended up only eating about 1/4 of the small portion i put in my bowl and only two wontons with broth. the soup was delicious and just filling enough. i drank lots of water in between bites and i ended up really satisfied with what i ate, not regretting it.

so hell yeah, i won another round of Food Fights (i look all sick and icko so no fun pic for tonight's food fight. though i am kind of thinking of doing this as a regular feature, maybe get one of those wrestling belts they make for kids and just having a nerdy ole time with it lol. what do you think? should i make it a regular?)

weigh-in/ week 5 goals

starting weight: 350
current weight: 343.6
total loss: -6.4

down another pound this week. to be honest, i'm struggling not to be disapointed. it's not the number i wanted to see, but i know that i've been kicking ass in the gym and have been moving more this week than i have in a long time. now that i've got a gym/exercise routine started, i can focus on my eating again. i had a little slippage this week, not too much, but enough that i'm conscious of the choices i could have made instead. i'm pushing myself hard to achieve this first goal of 22 lbs. once achieved, my next goal will be much easier to attain.

week five goals-
-drink at least 4 (32 oz) bottles of water per day.
-track food and activity on fitday. (i decided to see how much of a difference it will make as opposed to just journaling foods but not nutrition)
-lose 3 lbs.
-get in at least 1 hour of gym/activity time per day.
-and/or-
-walk at least 5 days

alrighty...there's 5 reasonable and attainable goals for the next 7 days. i'm ready to get started.


mmm today for lunch i did a little bit of a change-up with my usual, and it definately paid off. i usually make a tostada for lunch (black beans, cheese, veggies) with a little sour cream, but today i had some chicken that needed to be cooked, so i grilled them up with some olive oil and blackening spices and then diced. i used less cheese and more beans, chicken and veggies and it ended up being positively packed with protien (over 50 grams!) and fiber. i was nicely full afterward and bursting with energy.

spaghetti and meatballs tonight at my mamas. i'm praying that i can contain myself. i've pre-tracked it, just so i have an idea of what i'll be eating and i think i'll be satisfied. here's hopin.

this just in: Fried Chicken v. Fatty; A Winner Announced!

Erin-1: Chicken-0

"You may have seduced me, chicken, but I DEFEATED your ass!!"

how did she do it? we asked her.
"well at first i was intimidated, but then i decided to use the fried chicken's weakness to my advantage. you see, underneath that nasty, deep fried layer, there lies some pretty bad-ass protein for the taking. i chose to create energy from my slip-up and totally burned up that gym!"

oh. yes. dammit.

fried chicken: a contest of wills a.k.a deathmatch

in the past month i have really been working hard. making a lot of forward momentum and gaining heaps of motivation and setting myself attainable and worthwhile goals. in short; i have been kicking major ass.

about 3 months ago, my father moved back in with me. i had been living on my own in our family home for a year and a half. at that point i wasn't really trying to make many changes to the way i lived, ate, and moved but i was conscious of it. now, here's the rub. my father makes terrible food choices. pizza and beer several times a week. hot wings. more beer. generally anything fried, fatty or alcoholic he digs. then he came to me and said "Erin, i think we should get serious about getting healthy. start walking and cooking more and eating better." i thought "Awesome, this is just the extra motivation i needed!" and set down to making goals and menu planning and working out. but after a week or so...i was doing it on my own. there started to be a re-entrance of unhealthy food groups into our house. i got mad. i know that if i keep certain things out of the house, i don't even think about them.

so tonight, when my dad came home from the doctor's office, what did he bring home for his dinner? fried chicken and not one but 2 boxes of ice cream cones and ice cream sandwiches. and why? to cool him down. WHAT?! THE?! FUCK?! if you want to cool down you drink ice water or take a cool shower, or at the very least have a popsicle. he's making excuses to eat terribly. he uses his bed as a dining room. he lays in bed and eats all day and night long. i am seriously worried about him, but at the same time, i can't help but be enraged that he's bringing these things into the house. i've asked him more than once. i've asked him to bring home only a single portion for himself instead of several.

i had planned a very tasty and healthy chicken caesar salad for dinner. instead, the second i smelled the fried chicken, i wanted some. i fought it, hard. i even left the house for a while to try and get past it. but in the end, i decided that instead of foregoing the fried chicken and eating something else but still craving the stuff and bingeing later, i would have one piece along with some vegetables and leftover pasta from dinner last night. it was okay as far as dinners go. but i know that i have to weigh in tomorrow. i'm feeling anxious to go get in the gym. i want this out of my system NOW!

from now on...its over. i'm imposing a law. no more of that crap when i have spent precious time making menu plans and grocery shopping for healthy meals for both of us. if he wants to eat that junk...he can go for it. but i refuse to feel bad when his health problems decline even more because of it. i don't want it in my house anymore. ever.

so sayeth me. so i damn well expecteth it will be done.

::breathe in, breathe out:: ok. rant over.

in other news, while i was browsing blogs the other night, i came across this post on Tales of an Ordinary Life. the gist of it is that you make a list of 101 things/goals/activites you want to accomplish in 1001 days. created by Day Zero, the mission is to complete 101 preset goals in the 1001 day period (approx. 2.75 years). the tasks must be specific (no ambiguity) and the results must be measurable and require some amount of effort on your part.

since i'm an insane lover of lists, this appealed to me automatically. i decided to start working on MY list, tentatively because it is taking way longer to come up with 101 goals than i thought. currently i'm at about 40 or so. but it's a work in progress and one i'm definitely excited to do. once completed, i will post my list here for the world to see (or the random few followers and tagalongs i do have lol i love you all by the way :) )



also Tricia down at Fight Fat Phobia is having a giveaway! a whole big pile of awesome! but don't enter! i want!


alrighty y'all. i'm off to the gym to replace the fried chicken in my veins with adrenaline! raWR!

feeling better today, still a bit groggy and achy but on the whole it's dealable. my appetite is still playing come-and-go but i'm paying attention and making sure i eat regularly and reasonably. i had a pretty awesome black bean and cheese quesadilla for lunch along with a glass of iced green tea.

other than that i'm taking it pretty easy today. i'll probably hit the gym in a bit to get in some activity. work my arms and legs, maybe get in some yoga. nothing too strenuous, but i want to get out of the habit of working out one day and then not doing anything for a few days. i want to try and do some sort of fitness activity every day (i'm excluding the regular activity i get in every day; walking, housework, errands etc.)

i finally got the pics from sunday's lake outing uploaded. it was so so lovely up there.

(that's my mama y'all. isn't she cute? lol she's like the only person on the planet that makes me feel tall lol)

also, i wanted to post my super-flipping-fabulous soup recipe that i made on sunday.

~Veggie and Turkey Meatball Soup~

-1 can diced tomatoes

-3 medium potatoes, peeled and cubed

-1 cup sliced carrots

-1 medium onion, chopped

-1 bay leaf

-1 tsp celery salt

-1 tablespoon parsley

-2 teaspoons beef boullion

-1 1/2 tsp dried basil

-1 tsp dried oregano

-1/2 tsp pepper

-1 tsp salt

-1 lb ground turkey

-1 egg

-3 tbsp bread crumbs

-1 tbsp milk

-1 heaping cup frozen corn kernels

-1 1/2 heaping cup frozen green beans

-In a large pot stir together 6 cups water, undrained tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, celery salt, onion, bay, parsley, bouillion, basil, oregano, pepper, and salt. bring to a boil.

-meanwhile in a large bowl, stir together ground turkey, egg, bread crumbs, milk, salt, and pepper to taste. (i mix with my hands...icky but ensures total mixage) shape into 1 inch balls.

-carefully drop meatballs into pot. reduce heat, cover and simmer for 30 minutes

-add green beans and corn and cook until heated through.

yields around 10 cups of soup.

calling it an early night...

i'm so pissed. i'm starting to get really sick and i don't wanna be! (wonder if i can pout my way healthy? lol) it's really not helping that i am alternately starving to death and so nauseous that i feel like i'm going to boot up everything i've ever eaten. i had to be up at 7 this morning so i could watch abram and sofia and i barely made it through those few hours. on my way home i was so hungry but once i got home i could hardly keep my eyes open. after a longer nap than i planned, my previous hunger of the afternoon was then tenfold. ::mechanical voice:: let the bingeing commence. in all it wasn't too bad, but now i'm all full of rice krispies and i'm starting to get that "oh god i'm gonna puke" feeling.

gonna take me some nyquil and knock out for the night...


back to life tomorrow.

menu monday...

oh i had a delicious weekend. much relaxing and enjoying nature and just for once...having no plans. i made a big steamy pot of turkey and veggie soup to warm me up as it gets colder out, my mom and i went for a walk in the mountains...it was a great end to the week.

and today starts a new one...oi

my week in dinners goes as follows:

monday- coconut crusted tilapia, garlic pasta, and steamed veggies
tuesday- shrimp quesadillas
wednesday- chicken caesar salads
thursday- meatballs and spaghetti at my mothers...best fucking meatballs on the planet
friday- slow-cooker chicken curry, rice
saturday- stuffed pepper soup
sunday- leftovers a' la carte

i'll post recipes as the days go along!